Some of you may be wondering what I am doing on the unplanned/crisis pregnancy blog. No, I have never experienced an unplanned pregnancy, or even a pregnancy for that matter, but I am familiar with two young ladies in my church who have, and I wanted to share their experiences with the readers here. Neither of these young ladies ended up making an adoption plan, both are successfully parenting their children and I have been able to witness them make the transition from a time of crisis and frustration, to a place of achievement and lessons learned. Both of them (whose names I have changed to protect their privacy) have interesting stories to tell and strong advice for other young women who are facing similar issues.

The first of the young ladies I interviewed is Stacey and she is mother to a biracial daughter who is now seven years old, and a son who is three. With Stacey’s first child she was nineteen and not really planning to be pregnant. Once she found herself in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy she also found the baby’s father did not wish to be involved. Unfortunately the father was not a U.S. citizen and decided to return to his home country leaving Stacey on her own with her decisions. The following are Stacey’s feelings about some of her experience.

What were your feelings when you first learned that you were pregnant?

“I felt a lot of hopelessness, a lot of my future plans for going to school were going to now be spoiled. I also went through a lot of different feeling that no one I later met in a relationship would accept my daughter because she was biracial and men can be skiddish about that.”

Were there people who were treating you negatively and perhaps steering you away from parenting as an option?

“No, not really. My family was very supportive. At first my parents were upset, we did not talk for a week or two, but after that they were supportive and offered to help me. A lot of my friends were very supportive and had good things to say about what a good mom I would be, and not to let what people would say of think bother me.”

At some point did you consider a possible adoption plan, or option other than parenting for your child?

“I had thought about adoption, my mother had brought it up, but I said absolutely not!”


What were some of the things that allowed you to know that an adoption plan was not in the best interest of yourself and your child?

“I thought the biggest thing for me was that I did not think that I could carry a child and then be able to give it to someone else. That is when I decided that I could parent and that I would be ok.”


Once you had decided that parenting was what you were interested in doing, were people around you supportive?

“Yes, they trusted that I could make that decision.”


What one thing during this life experience would have been most helpful for you to know?

“Probably that whole thing that there is so much available for single parents in the way of parenting help, I might not have been so distraught or feeling so hopeless at the time. So much is available in the way of money and housing, so many state funded programs that help people who are going through an unplanned pregnancy.”


How do you feel about the decision you made, and how things in your life have turned out for yourself and your child?

“I feel good about the decision I made. I have a beautiful daughter and things have turned out to be al lot easier than I thought they would be in the beginning.”

Even though adoption was not an option for you, how do you feel about it as a possible option for other young women in similar situations to what you experienced?

“I think to each his own. You have to know in your heart and your gut that you can take care of this child, and if you can’t I think it is great that there are options out there for people.”

Are there some ways to help young women who might be considering an adoption for their unborn child, without making them feel pressured in your opinion?

“I think just being able to listen and help them through their own thought process instead of giving the advice of what YOU feel is best. Being able to guide them based on their priorities and expectations and what they want is better than telling them what you think is best for them.”

I would like to thank Stacey for sharing her own experience with an unplanned pregnancy with the readers here. This is a young mother I personally know and am very impressed with her strength and courage through her personal journey. While what has worked for Stacey might not be the best solution for every woman, she has certainly shared how important it is that women get the right support to make the choices that are best for them individually. Please stay tuned for a second interview in this series.

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