I see expectant parents lament the agency with whom they are working all the time. I applaud their gusto and knowledge because I didn’t even know enough to complain about mine while I was pregnant and working with them on the placement of my child. However, I continue to see an error in thought that I just wanted to clear up for those who happen upon this blog by chance or search.
You, as an expectant parent, are not bound to any one agency.
You have paid them no money. While you may have done things like sign papers allowing them to view your medical records and filled out a lengthy report on your health history, that means nothing. You can get up, walk away and not be held liable for anything.
Why is this important information to know?
So many expectant parents considering relinquishment are acting in what is often referred to as the “crisis mode.” Like me, they stumble upon an agency by internet search, phone book or word-of-mouth and they never look any further. Many stick with the first agency that they step into, virtually or in real life. They don’t realize that there are other agencies available. And, no, not every adoption agency is equal!
So when should you consider changing agencies?
If you are being treated with any form of disrespect by your agency, consider looking for a new one. If you have been lied to, even in a minor way, definitely look for a new agency. If you are told that very few families will want your baby due to ethnicity or defect, get out now. Those are the big ones, of course. But if at any time you feel uneasy or as if something isn’t right, know that you have the absolute right to walk away.
It may be stickier if you have already gone through the matching process and matched with a family with whom you wish to parent your child. If they are working with that agency, you may be running the risk that they will not be able to detach from the agency and follow you. They do have money tied up in the process and are not as free as you. You need to do some soul searching about whether you want to risk legal screw ups and a total disregard for your rights with your agency or this family which you have already chosen. I can’t tell you what to do in this case. It’s a tough call. Though this kind of scenario does speak loudly for the importance of matching later on in a pregnancy.
A note: while you do have the right to walk away, don’t expect the agency to let you do so in an easy manner. I advise you to simply stop returning their calls. In doing that, know that they will call you. A lot. If the harassment continues, simply write up a cease and desist letter and have it sent via certified or registered mail. Make sure to select the box that says the recipient must sign.
In the end, you just need to know that you do have the right to walk away. You have the right to respectful, truthful care. Demand it!
