Comments on: Why I Chose an Adoptive Family that Already had a Child

By: Heather

Heather — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 17:10:58 +0000

When we adopted our second child, there were many times (too many to even count) that the birthparents had narrowed it down between our family and another family – they would end up choosing the other family because they did not have any children and they thought that would be more special. It was definitely a trend our agency was seeing, as well as other agencies in the area.

I think Heather L. makes a good point about choosing families that already have children. I know even for me, with our second adoption I definitely felt more comfortable in my skin as an adoptive mom. That definitely diminshed my feelings of being threatened by a potential relationship with birthparents.

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 14:44:11 +0000

I chose J & D because of the fact that they had other children. I needed for the Munchkin to have siblings. And now she has 94809660879709 billion.

By: Heather Lowe

Heather Lowe — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 12:26:10 +0000

If I had to go through an adoption over again, I would choose adoptive parents who already had a child. Ideally their first child would have an open adoption, so I could talk to that child's birthparents.

I always counsel women to look at parents who are already raising a child. Tells you a lot about their parenting style and what they'll be like with your child (and you).

Adrienne, about the bio question...my son's sibling, born after him, is a bio child. I like that. I like that his mom can hopefully see the differences between adoptive and bio parenting. She doesn't treat them differently, but there are issues adopted people are going to face that bio kids don't. I know I felt more comfortable after she was born.

I know that a lot of women don't want to look at parents who already have kids, because they want their child to feel firstborn and special, and get all the attention. That's a valid concern,too, but in the end I think the other route is the way to go.

By: Adrienne Bashista

Adrienne Bashista — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 11:41:49 +0000

When we went to see an agency that did domestic adoptions (when we first started looking into adoption in 2003) we were told that most prospective birth mothers didn’t want families who already had a child so we’d be unattractive…this post makes me go hmmmm….Would it have made a difference to you if the other child was bio?

By: Brittanys1stmom

Brittanys1stmom — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 08:50:16 +0000

I love that pic Coley. Though I did not choose Brittany’s parents, I do like that Brittany has an adoptive sister.

By: Coley S.

Coley S. — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 08:38:46 +0000

Good point Marmy!

By: Marmy_4

Marmy_4 — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 08:17:30 +0000

this was important to me not only cause my baby would have siblings but that i could also see how well the Aparents would be as “parents”! just something else to concider.