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We’ve talked about the options in choosing an adoptive family for your child when making an adoption plan. One of the big choices you can make is to choose a family that has children or to choose a family that has no children.
It may be your desire to choose a family where your child would be the only or the first. Or it may be your desire that your child have a sibling, so you may look at families that already have a child.
For me personally, I wanted an adoptive family that already had children. It was important to me that they already have a child. Why you ask? Because I wanted my baby to have a sibling. I had a sibling myself; a little brother who is about three years younger than me. I enjoyed having a sibling; I enjoyed the camaraderie, always having someone close to my age around, and of course, the brother/sister fights. Ok, maybe I didn’t enjoy the fights, but they are a part of life with a sibling and as we grew up we fought less. He was handy to have around in high school because he knew more French than me and could help me with my homework! And even if he was a pain when we were younger, I can’t imagine my life without him!
So, it was my desire that Charlie have a sibling. Of course, he has Noah, but I’m meaning someone to share a bathroom with and fight over the front seat with. Charlie’s sister is a great big sister. She was so excited when he was born and is very proud with him and usually pretty patient with him, teaching him new things, helping him when he needs help, etc.
But of course, it’s important to remember that if you choose a family without a child thinking your child will be the only, that could change. The adoptive couple could surprisingly get pregnant later on down the road or change their mind about not having anymore children.
Keep in mind: The characteristics on which you choose a family can possibly change in the future. More on that in an upcoming post!
Photo Note: My little brother and I on Easter Sunday, 1983.
this was important to me not only cause my baby would have siblings but that i could also see how well the Aparents would be as “parents”! just something else to concider.
Good point Marmy!
I love that pic Coley. Though I did not choose Brittany’s parents, I do like that Brittany has an adoptive sister.
When we went to see an agency that did domestic adoptions (when we first started looking into adoption in 2003) we were told that most prospective birth mothers didn’t want families who already had a child so we’d be unattractive…this post makes me go hmmmm….Would it have made a difference to you if the other child was bio?
If I had to go through an adoption over again, I would choose adoptive parents who already had a child. Ideally their first child would have an open adoption, so I could talk to that child’s birthparents.
I always counsel women to look at parents who are already raising a child. Tells you a lot about their parenting style and what they’ll be like with your child (and you).
Adrienne, about the bio question…my son’s sibling, born after him, is a bio child. I like that. I like that his mom can hopefully see the differences between adoptive and bio parenting. She doesn’t treat them differently, but there are issues adopted people are going to face that bio kids don’t. I know I felt more comfortable after she was born.
I know that a lot of women don’t want to look at parents who already have kids, because they want their child to feel firstborn and special, and get all the attention. That’s a valid concern,too, but in the end I think the other route is the way to go.
I chose J & D because of the fact that they had other children. I needed for the Munchkin to have siblings. And now she has 94809660879709 billion.
When we adopted our second child, there were many times (too many to even count) that the birthparents had narrowed it down between our family and another family – they would end up choosing the other family because they did not have any children and they thought that would be more special. It was definitely a trend our agency was seeing, as well as other agencies in the area.
I think Heather L. makes a good point about choosing families that already have children. I know even for me, with our second adoption I definitely felt more comfortable in my skin as an adoptive mom. That definitely diminshed my feelings of being threatened by a potential relationship with birthparents.