Another installment of the What You Wish you had Known series where my birthmother friends recount the things they wish they had known about adoption before placing their children for adoption. To read the other posts in this series, see the links at the bottom.


N became a birthmom in a semi open adoption in 2000.

”I wish I would have known that having other children may not have been possible and that the baby I placed could have been my last. I wish I would have known that time doesn’t heal the wounds and my child would forever have a piece of my heart.”

R’s daughter and son are now three and four years old and are in open and semi-open adoptions.

“I wish I would have been able to have counseling about the adoption and my emotions in particular. I wish I had known the family ahead of time. I wish I could have picked the families out. I wish I had known that my son's father's family was going to adopt him so I could stay in speaking terms with them. I wish I would have known even when you leave a bad situation things do not always turn out as you wish. I wish I had known that people will judge you for what’s happened. I also wish I would have known how hard is to see others with their babies or little ones. I long to hear my children day in and day out call me "mommy" or even hear them cry when they are upset. I wish I had known many things. I wish I had not had to place my children up for adoption. I wish I would have known what was going to happened when I became pregnant.”

What You Wish you had Known Part 1

What You Wish you had Known Part 2

What You Wish you had Known Part 3

What You Wish you had Known Part 4