October 1st, 2007
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From time to time I ask different birthmothers what they wish they had known while they were pregnant and before placing their children for adoption. If you are pregnant and considering adoption, you may find their thoughts helpful. To read previous posts in this series look at the links at the bottom of this post.

  • “I wish I had known that although the agency was nice while I was pregnant, they didn’t truly care about me. Once they had my baby, they really didn’t need to be nice to me anymore.” (statement by R.)
  • “I wish I had known that open adoption was not legally binding, that my daughter’s adoptive parents could cut off contact with me at any point and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. I also wish the agency had stayed a little more involved in the first few months after placement while the adoptive parents and I were floundering our way through our open adoption. Support and counseling would have been nice during that time.” (statement by P.)
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  • “I wish I had known that adoption affects my whole family – not just me. My parents lost a grandchild, my sister a nephew, etc. I didn’t take their thoughts and feelings into consideration when making my adoption plan.” (statement by V.)
  • “I wish I had known that I could have taken my daughter home and tried parenting her for a little bit and then if it didn’t work out, placed her for adoption. I beat myself up emotionally for not at least trying to parent her. I’ll never know if I could have done it or not since I didn’t try.” (statement by J.)
  • “I wish that I had known that even though I thought I didn’t have a bond with my unborn baby, that I did and I would and that I would love her just as much as my other children. I thought the circumstances in which she was conceived (date rape) would cause me not to bond with her or love her but that is not the case.”(statement by L.)

If you are a birthmother reading this, what do you wish you had known?

Previous “What They Wish They had Known” Posts:
What They Wish They had Known Part 1
What They Wish They had Known Part 2
What They Wish They had Known Part 3
What They Wish They had Known Part 4
What They Wish They had Known Part 5

3 Responses to “What They Wish They had Known (Part 6)”

  1. lahdh4 says:

    I still wish that I knew that the depression never really goes away and bites you at the wrong time.

  2. hslowe says:

    I wish I had known that surrendering affects all your relationships for the rest of your life – husband, parents, children, friends, coworkers, etc.

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