In continuance, from yesterday’s post, I recently I asked a group of birthmothers the question, “What do you wish you had known during your pregnancy and the adoption process that you now know as a birthmother?”

Melissa placed her son in a semi-open adoption in May of 2006.

” I wish I would have known how much it hurts. And how un-easy it is to get back to normal”

Leigh placed her daughter in an open adoption in April of 2004.

” I wish that I would have had more pre-adoption counseling but with my situation that was hard to get. My counselor (post adoption) told me that it would be hard but never that it would be this hard on a day to day basis.”

Jamie placed her daughter in an open adoption in May of 2006.

” I wish I had known that birthmother advocates (or birthmother counselors through agencies) were stretched so thin and that they did not just cater to birthmoms but to the adoptive parents too. I also wish that I known that there were very few people who specialized in post placement grief issues before I placed. I also wish that I had known that the grief would not be as easy as the material said that it would. Reading about the grief that you are going to experience and actually going through it is very different. A lot more painful than I thought. I read that in a pre placement book that the pain of the loss would be quick and painful but after that, it would be better verses the pains of single parenting. At this point, I'm not so sure about that. Who wrote those books any way? I doubt they have experienced the pain of both.”

Bonnie placed her son in a closed adoption 36 years ago.

“I placed during the "closed era". I wish there that been counseling for me. The pain, pain, pain I went through. NOBODY, but nobody spoke of my son after the birth. It was as if the whole episode DID NOT happen.”

S placed in 1987.

”I wish I had known how deeply the grief would affect me and how much it still affects me. I wish I had known that I wasn't a bad person for being single and pregnant.”

Mary placed her son in a closed adoption 29 years ago.

” I will have to say that I wish I had realized just how immature I was at 19. I never was able to face what was happening to me.... I really wish I had thought a little longer about my decision. I wish I had known how it was going to hurt giving my son up for adoption. It is like no other hurt I have ever known... I wish I had given my family a little more credit and given them a chance. I didn't think they would support me in keeping my child because he was of mixed race. I never gave them a chance.”