January 5th, 2007
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I enjoyed the change of format in my post in the open adoption blog yesterday entitled Top 10 Ways to Keep an Open Adoption Running Smoothly and was inspired to do more “lists” so today I give you my top five things you should not say to pregnant women considering adoption.

If you are pregnant and considering adoption, feel free to send this link to people who are supporting you in your pregnancy. After my first miscarriage, my best friend read a lot of sites and information regarding things not to say or do or that might be considered hurtful to someone who had just miscarried and your friends and family might like to do the same.

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With out further a due, here’s my top 5!

  1. “You can always have more children.” This isn’t technically true. No one knows for sure if they can ever have more children. Besides this statement implies that one child could replace another and that’s not true at all.
  2. “You are completing a family.” Adoption isn’t about completing a family and when making a decision whether or not to place a baby for adoption, an expectant mom should not take the potential adoptive family’s feelings into account.
  3. “At least you will get to see him or her….” This is said if you may be planning an open adoption. While the statement in its self is true, seeing your child doesn’t make the pain of the loss of your motherhood any less real.
  4. “After this is all over, you can move on.” I know this statement is meant to be helpful but it’s not. You can’t forget that you had a child and placed it for adoption. Although, you can move forward after relinquishment, you never move on forget.
  5. “You are doing the best thing for you.” Adoption isn’t about doing what’s best for yourself and the heartache involved in placing a child for adoption certainly can not be the “best” thing for an expectant mom.

5 Responses to “Top Things NOT to say to a Woman Considering Adoption”

  1. Jan Baker says:

    Good one Coley! All probably at the top of my list too.

  2. Deb Donatti says:

    Coley, this is a great list. With the exception of #2 this would work for those who misscarried or otherwise suffered a death of a child too.

  3. logan05 says:

    Wish I would have had this list the 1st time around. Thank you

  4. That is a great list. You are coming up with some great list ideas.

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