August 12th, 2006
Posted By:

bear globe

You may be getting sick of my What You Wish You Would Have Known series but has it generated a lot of response. I received many comments, emails, and forum posts with many of your thoughts as to what you wish you had known prior to placing your child for adoption. Many of them sang the same tune over and over, just in different words. Many of the birthmothers wish they had known the lifelong grief they would experience as a result of placing their child for adoption. I posted some of the responses in other blog entries and kind of thought I was done with the series.


But then I received the following reply to that post from Nicole, a birthmom to a daughter who is now years five years old and is raising a daughter who is two years old. Her reply was like no other I had received. She recounted the pain many of the other birthmothers shared, but she spoke of it in such a touching way that made my heart smile and frown at the same time, as I read her words. I couldn’t resist sharing it with you.

I wish someone would have told me that getting up in the middle of the night with a hungry, crying baby is not all stress and frustration that it actually gives you some of the best memories, best bonding moments, sweetest feelings in a lifetime.

I wish someone would have told me that once you become a parent, all your prior hopes and dreams aren’t nearly as important to you as just being with your child, watching your child grow, and seeing your child flourish.

I wish someone would have told me that all expectant parents have doubts and fears, that you learn as you go, and that having fears actually is a good sign because it means you’re open to growth and learning.

I wish someone would have told me that one goodnight kiss from my child would be worth more to me than my college degree.

I wish someone would have told me that feeling a toddler’s arms wrapped around my neck and hearing her whisper “Mommy, I love you too” would make all the day’s stresses and frustrations disappear.

I wish someone would have told me that staying home and having pillow fights on the couch can be more fun than going out for a night on the town.

I wish someone would have told me that the amount of joy parenting brings far outweighs any sacrifice.

Thank you Nicole for sharing your touching point of view to What You Wish you had Known.

PS… If you might be wondering why I have loved snow globes as the picture for this series it is because my son calls snow globes “wish wishes.”

What You Wish you had Known Part 1
What You Wish you had Known Part 2
What You Wish you had Known Part 3

6 Responses to “What You Wish you had Known – Part 4”

  1. Heather Lowe says:

    Wow, that’s an excellent response from Nicole.

    And I never get sick of “wish I’d knowns,” of any kind. To me, that is the most valuable service we can do for women in crisis pregnancies – help them learn from what we’ve learned.

  2. I love Nicole’s response also. I never get sick of the wish I had knowns also. Learning from other’s experiences is a great way to learn.

  3. Marmy_4 says:

    That was an excelent post on what you wish you had known, being that im expecting my second I really have taken alot of what was said to heart. I wish I had known that I could keep the baby, if I wasnt so afraid. thanks for shareing nicole.

  4. Jan Baker says:

    I’ve been away a few days, but, I too love Nicole’s thoughts on this issue. Also agree with Heather that it is important for us to share these thoughts with women considering placing their children.

    A thought occurred to me, what if women considering relinquishment knew what it was REALLY like later – maybe if they did, only the ones who really needed to would relinquish?

    I may have to do a blog on this subject!

  5. Coley S. says:

    Good point Jan! Would love to read post if you do write one!

  6. Nicole says:

    Coley and Heather,

    Thank you. I’m really touched that you reprinted my response here; I LOVE this blog. It is such a truthful, helpful resource for expectant moms in crisis pregnancies.

    Thank you for the work you both do here.


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