A thought struck me as I was watching my friends 5 month old daughter, and 5 year old daughter…happiness. They didn’t have to strive to have to achieve it, or work, or have money, they were simply joyful. Now you might be asking yourself how this relates to adoption, but why not? As a birth-first mother I struggle as I always have it seems with simply being. Even when I was a kid I was always aiming to be happy, and because I didn’t fit the mold pre cut by my family or by the world around me I ended up in some major depressive episodes as a kid.
Looking back at my experiences when I was pregnant, I was never allowed to just simply be. It was a constant war, a constant ache, a choice weighing on my spirit. When he was born, and I held him in my arms for the first time, that ache disappeared, for a short while, and I simply was. I made no plans, nor set any limits on what my experience in the hospital would be. I did do some things, such as limit the amount of visitors I had while there, and the company I did have never lingered too long, but always remained as long as the time allowed. It was the first time in a long time that I had been happy, as I held him in my arms and talked to him, took care of him. I was alone a lot, which was good for me, for us.
There was a moment as I stood in the hospital room standing in front of the window… looked out the window holding this little red haired angel in my arms together as mother and son, and saw the sky for the first time, clear and blue, calm and serene. I exclaimed, alone in that room with my son, “That is the most beautiful sky I have ever seen.”
I can’t tell you it will be easy, because it would be a lie, but in the moments of holding that newborn life in your arms, something changes you. something clicks and opens your heart up. It hurts, but it is in moments of serene blue skies and simply being that we find joy and reason to continue the process of adoption.
Life is such a gift, may we all live in the joy of simply being, for one simple day.
Wherever you are in the process of adoption, simply be, as much as you can and find joy, because those moments become like lights in the darkness that keep you together.
Love and Light,