Have you ever heard the phrase “the carrot and the stick”? The image is of an animal tempted to forward motion by a carrot dangling in front of its nose, with a stick to swat the animal forward in case the carrot isn’t convincing enough. The carrot is the reward, the stick is the punishment.

Some people have called open adoption a “carrot.” Are they right? Is open adoption merely an incentive to place, for those who would not otherwise have done so?

The answer is no, that's not the intention, but it can work out that way.

If a pregnant woman doesn’t understand what open adoption is, she may mistake it for the perfect solution, or the easy way out. She may think, “I can’t do closed adoption, but if I can see my child from time to time, perhaps I can handle this.” If she is choosing to place for the wrong reasons, the promise of openness can be the one thing that pushes her over the edge into saying yes to a relinquishment.

In writing this, I do not mean to denigrate open adoption in any way. I support genuine open adoption wholeheartedly, and think it is the best possible approach to adoption. As I’ve said before, I don’t believe anyone should consider anything less. But there is definitely a problem when a woman who does not truly want to relinquish does so anyway because openness seems to her to be a halfway point between surrendering and not surrendering. Make no mistake, there is no perfect solution or easy way out. Open adoption is still a full relinquishment of your parenthood. (to be continued tomorrow)