It’s tricky when you’re reading all those letters addressing you as "Dear Birthmother," but one of the most important things to keep in mind while pregnant is that you are not a birthmother yet. Instead, you’re an expectant mom considering all your options. A birthmother is someone who has relinquished rights to her baby. You’re not there yet, so don’t call yourself something that you’re not—and don’t let others label you, either.

Why is it important not to think of yourself as a birthmom while pregnant? Because it puts you in the mental state of having already relinquished your child. You can’t make truly informed, conscious decisions for your baby if you’re already thinking of him or her as someone else’s child. Likewise, you can’t make good decisions for yourself if you view your own role as already set in stone, and the signing of the papers as a foregone conclusion. (A rush to judgment doesn't serve the potential adoptive parents, either, as they will not be able to enjoy their parenthood if you felt at all pressured or coerced into adoption.)

Give yourself the time and the space to savor your motherhood now, because if you choose adoption, this will be the only time you'll be able to look back on as the sole mother of your child.