One of the first things you need to do when you find out you’re pregnant is to share this news with the father of your baby.

It’s tempting to want to skip this part---especially if you were not in a relationship with the father, or if you are in a relationship, but things have turned sour. It’s also difficult, when you feel pretty certain that this man is not likely to offer you any support, emotional or financial, to turn to him and tell him you are carrying your mutual child. It can make you feel like you are begging.

Your pride may make you want to say, "I'll handle this myself---I don't need his help." You might think it will be easier on all concerned if he is not involved.

However, the fact of the matter is that he is already involved, now and forever. How he chooses to respond to this is not something you should attempt to control—the freedom to act belongs to him.

Let me repeat, it is absolutely essential that you tell the baby's father, right away.

Remember that as the father of this child, he has rights too. He may wish to raise the child if you don't. He may want to work with you to arrive at the best possible solution for all of you. Of course, he might just want to run away, too, but the point is, you don't know what he will do until you tell him. If adoption is what you want, you have to give him the opportunity to also sign away his rights in way that won’t create further legal problems down the road.

Many adoptions are disrupted because the birthfather was not informed and/or did not give his consent. Many men wish desperately that they had known they had a child out there, so that they could have stepped up and helped. Many men truly want to raise their child in those cases where their partner can’t. It isn’t fair to assume that just because he’s a man, he will want to run.

Whether you like and respect this man or not, your growing child still needs you to uphold the ties between you and his or her father. Your baby will want to know his or her father. The father will probably want to know his child. And if you entrust your baby to adoption, the adoptive-parents-to-be will want the peace of mind of knowing that the father gave his informed consent, so they can be sure the adoption will not be challenged or overturned down the road.

Last but not least, keep in mind that unplanned pregnancies are hard on men, too. He may not show his emotions the way we women do, but that doesn’t mean he's not feeling grief, fear anger or confusion. He'll probably need counseling or support. If you don't tell him, you’re denying him that opportunity.