Not every expectant mother considering adoption is a first time mother. Many expectant mothers nowadays who consider adoption are already parenting a child or children and know first hand the struggles parenting can bring. This can be one of the reasons prompting them to consider adoption for the baby they are pregnant with.

This was my case. I knew at that time in my life I could not financially and emotionally handle all of Noah’s special needs plus care for a newborn while working to support the three of us.

There will come a time in her pregnancy that a mother who is already parenting a child will have to explain to that child her adoption plan. This is not an easy task. Personally speaking, because of all of Noah’s communication issues it was hard to know what he understood and what he did not.

Here are a few tips for you if you need to explain to your child that you are making adoption plan using my experiences and what worked best for us.

• It’s best to explain things in child like terms and age appropriately. You need not go overboard in your explanation.



• Keep your conversation child centered, about your child’s feelings and not your own.



• If you choose a family before birth, allow your child to look at the profile book of the family and if possible, meet them in person. Talk about the family periodically. Let them meet the family if desired. This worked well for us. My birthson has an adoptive sister who is the same age as Noah. We would get together often before Charlie was born and they would always play and have such a good time together.



• You could start off a discussion on adoption by simply watching a children’s movie with an adoption theme (Elf and Snow Dogs are two that pop to mind) in it and get the ball rolling that way. Granted the adoption plan you are making will be nothing like those two movies, but it at least creates the opportunity for discussion.(I personally didn’t do this but have friends who did and said it was a helpful way to introduce the subject of adoption.)



• If you have friends or family members that are adopted, you could begin talking about how they were adopted and even have your child talk with them.



• Reassure your child a lot of your love for him or her and take special mommy moments for you and your child during this time. It will be good for both of you.



• While it is hard to be one hundred percent certain of your adoption decision before your child is born, try to be as secure in your decision as possible before breaking the news.



• Give your child the opportunity to ask questions. Be as honest as possible with your answers but don’t tell him or her more than they need to know so they are not overwhelmed.

Also, it is important to keep in mind that not only will you be grieving for your adopted child once placement has occurred, but so will your son or daughter. Your child may grieve the loss of his or her brother or sister.


Resource:
Talking to Kids about Adoption