October 23rd, 2007
Posted By:
Categories: Other Birthmothers

In my last post, I introduced you to Cari, a birthmother who brought her baby home for a week before placing her in an open adoption. While discussing this, one issue that came up in the conversation between Cari and I was the reaction of others.

Bringing a baby home before placement is not terribly common as far as I know. I can count the number of girls I know who have done this on one hand. Just to clarify, in this post I mean bringing the baby home before placement in the same sense as Cari with the intent to place, not bringing the baby home to parent then changing her mind. I honestly am not even sure that some expectant mothers considering adoption are even aware that it is an option.

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As for other birthmothers that Cari has met since becoming one herself, their reaction is typically positive when she explains that she took her baby home before placement. For the most part, Cari recalls many questions because most birthmothers were not aware that it was even an option for them. Many also express that they don’t think they could have followed through with placement if they had brought their home with them first.

Honestly, I don’t think I have gotten any negative reactions from birthmothers. Most were surprised and didn’t know that you were “allowed” to do this.

The adoption professional that facilitated Cari’s adoption was very supportive of her choice to take Selah home before placement and remained on call 24/7 for Cari while Selah was at home if she needed anything, but also gave Cari the space and distance she needed.

She constantly did an emotional and reality check with me, and made sure that I knew that I could either shorten the time frame, extend the time frame, or change my mind all together at any given moment.

The adoptive parents Cari was matched with were also supportive and understanding of her need, desire, and want to bring her baby home before placement. Cari had built a good relationship with Christine and Scott (the adoptive parents) during her pregnancy and says that it was “a respect thing.”

Because of the relationship we had built through out my pregnancy, they knew if I felt like I was leaning towards parenting, I would let them know. What it boils down to is that we were always open and honest with each other about our feelings. We shared our fears, expectations, hopes, worries, and dreams. Communication in an adoption is something I never seem to be able to stress enough.

However there are some adoptive parents who Cari has met since Selah’s placement who were not supportive as they were fearful that this would cause an expectant mother to change her mind.

Again, bringing your baby home is a right that every expecatnat mother has and a personal decision that she must make. Just as with anything in the adoption world though, it seems as if everyone has their own option regarding this matter!

Thank you Cari for taking the time to answer my questions and share your story with us!


Related Posts:
Taking Your Baby Home
Taking Your Baby Home: One Birthmother’s Story

3 Responses to “Taking Your Baby Home: The Reaction of Others”

  1. Another great post, simply for the fact that, no, not all expectant mothers are informed that they have the right to take their child home until they feel comfortable with the placement. Some are told, “You can put your baby in foster care until you make up your mind,” but rarely are they ALSO told, “OR you can take your child home. Either or would work. What feels right for you?”

    Good series of posts, Coley.

  2. taramayrn says:

    Excellend post Coley. This is something I wanted to do when I was pregnant with my son, but was too afraid. One of the regrets I have…

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