January 13th, 2007
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Categories: Support

Continued from Part 1

There are going to be people in your immediate circle of family and friends who will not be supportive and may even bring you down and make you feel worse. You don’t need these types of people in your life right now, but sometimes, especially if they are family, it’s hard to get rid of them! You can distance yourself from them if possible. If that’s not possible, try some of the below tips to deal with those unsupportive family and friends.

  • Let them know that you need people who will support whatever decision you make in your corner. Perhaps this will be a little nudge in the right direction to remind them that you don’t need more negativity.
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  • If they say something that is hurtful to you, politely tell them. They may not realize what they are saying is hurtful or they may not be meaning to be intentionally hurtful.
  • Educate them. Share websites or other resources on unplanned pregnancy options that you find helpful.
  • Let them know what you need. If you need someone to go to a Lamaze class or if you need someone to accompany you to a doctors appointment, just let them know. People will not know what you need unless you let them know what it is!
  • If their unsupportiveness continues, then you may be forced to distance yourself a bit. Don’t feel guilty if this happens. You have to protect you during this hard time.
  • If they are pressuring you with their opinions and advice, let them know that their support is appreciated but you need time to think things through to reach your decision.

Most importantly, keep in mind that you can not do this alone. You need supportive people to get through this, whether you choose parenting or adoption. I learned the hard way that an unplanned pregnancy and making an adoption plan can show you who your true friends are.

5 Responses to “Support Network Part 2: Unsupportive People”

  1. suemichell says:

    can anyone tell me the title and writer of the poem that describes an adopted child as “growing not in my heart but under it”? these are the only words from the poem that I can remember, yet I have quoted them many times to the children we have had come to live in our family.
    I would be very glad to have the full poem and the poet’s name. thanks for your help.

  2. suemichell says:

    can anyone tell me the title and writer of the poem that describes an adopted child as “growing not in my heart but under it”? these are the only words from the poem that I can remember, yet I have quoted them many times to the children we have had come to live in our family.
    I would be very glad to have the full poem and the poet’s name. thanks for your help.

  3. lahdh4 says:

    One does not need the hassle of unsupportive people. I didn’t need that added stress of listening to people tell me I was making a mistake. I stopped talking to a really good friend because of the comments they would make. I needed people who would understand that this was going to be a hard time for me and help me and listen to me if I needed to talk.

  4. I agree lahdh4. Stressful times in our lives are not the time when we need people to tell us our decisions our wrong. We also don’t need people who not only don’t agree with our decisions but plan to fight our decisions and who blame us for what is going on in our lives. I did not know you when you went through your pregnancy, but I am glad to know you now and I am here for you.

  5. Coley S. says:

    Sue, I’ve heard that before but not sure what poem it comes from. An adoptive mom might know.

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