An expectant mother considering adoption recently asked me:

“I have recently chosen a couple that will become my baby’s adoptive parents. I still have about ten weeks of my pregnancy left and would like to spend time with the adoptive family getting to know them better however my parents think I shouldn’t. What are your thoughts on this?”

Once I had chosen S and A to be Charlie’s parents and we were moving forward with the adoption plan I, like you, wanted to spend a lot of time with them getting to know them better.

I had a few reasons for wanting to spend time with them before my baby was born.
First of all, I wanted to get to know them better as they were going to be raising my son. I wanted to get to know their personalities, their likes and dislikes, etc.

Secondly, I thought spending more time with them and getting to know them better would re-affirm that they were the right family for my child. And if for some reason, I started to get vibes that they were not, then I would be able to do something about it before my baby was born.

I also felt that spending time with them could make things less awkward down the road. For example, I wanted A to be in the labor and delivery room with me. That’s pretty intimate and could be a little awkward with someone you don’t know well so I thought getting to know her better might make situations like that seem less awkward.

Lastly, they expressed their desire to get to know me better as well.

How much time you want to spend with the adoptive family prior to the birth of your baby is totally up to you and the adoptive family.

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The “Perfect” Family
Choosing an Adoptive Family