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I just told you not to let the economy scare you into relinquishing your child for adoption. But the question remains: should you place your baby for adoption? What reasons are good reasons to make such a decision? What are “bad” or not-so-good reasons to do such a thing?
Some people, especially those that regret their decision to relinquish, say that “adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Your biggest task right now is to separate which of your problems are temporary and which are ongoing or unlikely to change in the near or distant future. I’ll give a few examples below.
Not-so-great reasons for choosing adoption:
- You don’t have much money. Assistance is available and financial situations can turn around quickly. (As an example, I was financially stable, twice over, in the three months after my daughter’s birth.)
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Your family disapproves. (If they are angry right now, they may not be by the time the baby arrives. Most disapproving grandparents do an amazing turnaround once they actually meet the baby. Mine did despite the relinquishment.)
- You worry about not having a husband. (If single parenthood is such a bad thing, why do single parents adopt all the time? Food for thought right there!)
- You lack self-confidence. (This is a temporary problem that can be addressed by counseling and the realization that mothers who intended to become pregnant also fear that they won’t be “good enough” for their baby. You’re not alone!)
Better reasons for choosing adoption:
- You are concerned about the health or safety of your child. This may be due to your current living environment, a health issue of your own or a known health concern of the child that you may not be able to properly handle.
- You have an ongoing substance abuse problem and are not willing or able to treat it.
- You are in an abusive relationship.
- You know deep in your heart, without outside pressures, that you do not want to be a parent right now.
Of course, lines between better and not-so-good tend to blur when you combine issues from each side. Or the issues from the not-so-good create issues in the better and/or vice versa. The truth is that we don’t live in a bubble. Outside forces affect our decision making process whether it is something as simple as what we are going to eat for supper or something as complicated as the future of the child that you are currently carrying.
The truth is that everyone is different. I can’t sit here and tell you, just by looking at list of your concerns, whether or not adoption is the right (or better) choice for you. I can tell you, in the end, you have to live with your decision. Parenting or placing will change you and the future of your life forever. When it comes down to it, can you live with your decision? More over, can you answer the questions your child will have, parented or placed, without feeling as if you made the wrong decision? Try to imagine that discussion, now, before you make your decision.
