January 17th, 2007
Posted By:
Categories: General

It seems like in the general population’s point of view of birthmothers puts us into one of two categories – sinners or saints.

Sinners – At least once out of every five times I explain I am a birthmother I hear the phrase “I could never give my baby away.” This makes me feel like a bad person, like a sinner, like I made a mistake. I have said this before and I will probably say it again, but I still do not think placing Charlie was a mistake. The acts that led up to his conception were mistakes, but giving life to him and subsequently entrusting him to his adoptive parents were not. Yet, when I hear that phrase or am viewed negatively my society for my choice, I feel like a sinner, like I am running around with a big scarlet letter “B” on my chest.

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Saints – Then there is the other half of the population that thinks I am this saint or angel for the choice I made. They tell me how brave and courageous I am, how happy I made Charlie’s adoptive parents by giving them a son, what a blessing he must be in their lives, that I am selfless, etc… Sometimes this kind of talk is almost harder to listen to than the “sinner talk.” I am not a saint or an angel, I’m just a girl who made some mistakes and tried to do the right thing by both of my children.

Where do I fit in? Sure I have sinned and made mistakes, but I have also learned from my mistakes and rose to the challenges that they have presented. If I had to classify myself, it would be just as a good mother. A good mother puts the need of her child(ren) above her own needs, wants, and desires and my entrusting Charlie to his adoptive parents I was being a good mother and doing the best thing I could for him at that time in my life.

3 Responses to “Sinners and Saints”

  1. Deb Donatti says:

    I think some people take the sinner view because they do not want to think that they might be faced with such a choice, so they block thinking about it by chalking it up to a birthmom being “bad”. On the other hand I think others go off the deep end with all the “angel-saint” stuff because they also feel uncomfortable thiking about your decision, so they attempt to make YOU feel better about it, so THEY in turn can be at ease with it.
    Complicated (and a bit crazy).
    All I do know is your a SUPER chick (cause you listen to me yak yak all the time) AND you are a great mom (in different ways) to both your kiddos.

  2. Coley S. says:

    Thanks Deb, I needed that today! :)

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