I have been browsing the forums again and came across a question that pregnant women considering adoption have asked many times before.
I keep hearing stories of open adoptions closing as soon as the adoption is final and so it makes me wonder… how could a pbmom evaluate whether or not aparents are sincere about wanting to keep the adoption open? Are there signs (good or bad) pbmom could look for? Red flags?
For bmoms in adoptions that promised openness but were later closed, when you look back on the months or weeks leading up to placement, do you see any warning signs? Is hindsight 20/20?
This is a very good question! But a hard one with no definite answer. How do you know anyone is sincere? You don’t know for sure.
I think you have to be thorough in choosing adoptive parents, ask them a lot of questions, and perhaps even talk to a few people that know them. If they already have an adopted child, ask lots of questions about that adoption, the amount of openness, etc. and ask to speak with their child’s birthmom. But you never really know for sure, only time will only tell.
Here are some of the answers from the forums:
There’s no possible way. It’s a shot in the dark, a leap of faith. Some first parents get burned while others are simply lucky.
A good sign is a family that is already in a successful, healthy open adoption.
While I do agree that’s it is a leap of faith, I also think there are ways to minimize the risks of an adoption closing. A family that already has a working open adoption, I would think would be less likely to close.
Sadly, there is no exact answer to this question.