October 27th, 2006
Posted By:
Categories: Common Questions

I have been browsing the forums again and came across a question that pregnant women considering adoption have asked many times before.

I keep hearing stories of open adoptions closing as soon as the adoption is final and so it makes me wonder… how could a pbmom evaluate whether or not aparents are sincere about wanting to keep the adoption open? Are there signs (good or bad) pbmom could look for? Red flags?

For bmoms in adoptions that promised openness but were later closed, when you look back on the months or weeks leading up to placement, do you see any warning signs? Is hindsight 20/20?


This is a very good question! But a hard one with no definite answer. How do you know anyone is sincere? You don’t know for sure.

I think you have to be thorough in choosing adoptive parents, ask them a lot of questions, and perhaps even talk to a few people that know them. If they already have an adopted child, ask lots of questions about that adoption, the amount of openness, etc. and ask to speak with their child’s birthmom. But you never really know for sure, only time will only tell.

Here are some of the answers from the forums:

There’s no possible way. It’s a shot in the dark, a leap of faith. Some first parents get burned while others are simply lucky.

A good sign is a family that is already in a successful, healthy open adoption.

While I do agree that’s it is a leap of faith, I also think there are ways to minimize the risks of an adoption closing. A family that already has a working open adoption, I would think would be less likely to close.

Sadly, there is no exact answer to this question.

3 Responses to “Sincerity?”

  1. Heather Lowe says:

    Great topic. I like all your ideas here.

    Nothing can prevent every situation of insincerity, but it is worth trying everything you can think of to ensure that you don’t become one of those women who get burned.

    Question #1 that I would ask PAPs is:
    Why do YOU want an open adoption?

  2. Coley S. says:

    That’s a good question Heather.

  3. HeatherRainbow says:

    I think maybe the best thing to do, is to not tell them what you want out of the adoption, and let them say what they want about the adoption.

    Many times, when I hear about adoption closing (and with mine as well) it was as though the lawyers picked my brain, and told the adoptive parents what to expect, and what to say in terms of getting me to agree to it.

    Also, to not be afraid to ask questions. Also, get your own lawyer and make sure everything is enforceable (even if the adoptive parents skip state) and make sure the lawyer will represent you, even if you don’t have money.

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