I don't neccessarily agree that a good agency ONLY arranges fully open adoptions. We do not have contact with either of our children's birthmoms - by their own choice. (One of the birthmom's was adopted herself.)

Each situation is so unique that I would caution making a blanket statement that all adoptions should be fully open. We have identifying info so that if and when our children would like to search, it will help them.

As we are working on our third adoption, our profile clearly states that we are willing to consider openess. I can tell you that there are instances that I know we would not want on-going contact with a birthmother (drugs, some mental illness, etc).

One thing that concerns me (not that it can't be overcome), is how do we handle an open adoption with a third baby when the other two birthmom's wanted no contact?

Each child one adopts may have somewhat different life circumstances. Life is not always fair or equal. I think that is one of the life lessons that we need to impart to our children. We do them a grave injustice to do otherwise because we need to teach them how to live in the "real" world. Of course, as parents we strive not to "favor" one children over another, but, I do not think that means treating each child exactly the same.

For some children, openness in their adoptions may be possible and of benefit to them. Others may not be as fortunate. However, I believe it is wrong to deny openness to one child because the circumstances of other children in the family do not allow it. Each child needs to be treated fairly, but, as an individual with different strengths, weaknesses, talent and life circumstances.

Considering opennesss in adoption is generally considered better for children, I do believe agencies should concentrate mainly on open adoptions and better educate people about the benefits and how to make them work well. Agencies should be doing whatever is best for children, not what is best for parents.

I believe you are right, Heather, about 99% of your list. I have reason to believe that many families and birth mothers would benefit from more openness in adoption. However, I also believe it should be mutual! Adoptive parents should be open to it, too, if it is important to birth parents.

Birth parents, also, should receive good counsel re how they are relinquishing their right to parent! Clear understanding benefits everyone. I know we're all writing here because we have stories or experiences.

Hi Joan! I agree with all that you've written here. It is very important for potential birthparents to understand that open adoption is NOT co-parenting. They are losing all right to parent their child.