As a birthmother, one of the questions I get asked the most by women considering adoption has to be “Do you regret placing your son for adoption?”

According to Mr. Webster, the definition of regret is:

regret (ri-'gret, verb 1 a : to mourn the loss or death of b : to miss very much
2 : to be very sorry for (regrets his mistakes)

Answering the question, “do you regret placing your son for adoption” is no easy task! It’s not really a question I can answer with yes and no. It’s way more complex than that.

Do I regret that I did the best thing for my son? Of course not!! Do I wish that things were different and I could have raised him? Of course I do. Do I regret that foolish actions led me into an unplanned pregnancy? You bet! Do I live each day consumed with regret and guilty thoughts? No, I don’t. Some days my sense of regret over the whole situation is more powerful and I play the “what if game” and other days I try not to let my mind go there.

I have learned that I can not sit around and live in a state of regret and loss. After relinquishment, I had to pick up the pieces and put my life back together. I had to let myself grieve and then began moving forward. In the hospital, I looked into Charlie’s little eyes and promised him that I would do something with my life and make him be proud of his birthmother. I hope that someday he will be proud of me and not regret that he was not raised by me yet understand that I did what I thought was best for him at that time in our lives.

Do you have a question that you’d like me to address? If so, drop me an email or leave a comment and I’ll do my best to get to it and answer your question!