I was reflecting on my life last night on a long quiet drive home. I was thinking about the changes in my life since becoming a birthmom. Some of the changes have been good and some of course have been sad.

I think I have become a better Mother to the son I am parenting. I treasure the moments that we have a lot more. I mean, I always treasured them before, but now I know what it truly is like to miss moments and so the moments mean more.

I have learned not to take things for granted. Parenting a child with special needs, I had learned before not to take little things a child does for granted. But now, I have learned not to take children themselves for granted or in my case, my fertility.

I have learned what it is like to grieve in the depths of my soul. I knew loss before and had grieved over passing loved ones, but never had I known the ache of my heart and arms for a child as I do now.

I have learned more compassion. I have become more compassionate and open minded towards teen mothers, single mothers with multiple children, and single fathers.

I have loved more now than ever. I truly understand there are times in life when you love someone so much that it hurts and doing right by them can be a true test of your soul.

I have learned forgiveness. I still need to work on this area (a lot!) but I am getting better at forgiving myself for the mistakes I have made. I must clarify and say that I do not think my birthson was a mistake, but the actions and consequences that led to his creation.

And lastly, I have learned to be more honest with myself than ever. In writing this blog, I have opened up and stirred up feelings that I had denied before. I have learned that I must recognize the feelings for what they are and be honest with myself about them.