Recently someone making an adoption plan asked me, “What questions am I allowed to ask the prospective adoptive parents?”

And the answer to that is pretty much anything! You are choosing the people that will raise your baby for the rest of his or her life. That is an extremely huge, important decision and one that can not be taken lightly. Interviewing prospective adoptive parents should give you a better look at who this family is.


Perhaps until this point, you have only seen a website with their family information on it or you’ve read through their scrapbook a dozen times, but now you have the opportunity to sit with them (or perhaps speak with them over the phone if distance is an issue) and ask them the questions about themselves, their families, their upbringing, and the way they plan to raise your baby.

It’s probably a good idea to write down the questions you want answered so that if you get nervous you are not fumbling for words. You could also have a family member, friend, birthmother advocate or caseworker there with you to help ask the questions and of course, the birthfather if he is involved with the adoption plan.

Here are some possible questions to ask prospective adoptive parents. Note: Some of the obvious, such as age, state they reside in, line of work are a given and not listed below.

• Do they have other children or plan to adopt children in the future? Keep in mind, if you wish for your child to be an only child or the youngest, keep in mind that while the prospective adoptive parents may not plan on more children, the future is unknown and you never know what it might bring.


• What kind of adoption are the prospective adoptive parents looking for? Is this the same thing you are looking for? Be sure to discuss visits, pictures, letters, phone calls, how they plan to explain adoption, etc.



• What type of childhood did the adoptive parents have? How involved is their family in their lives now?



• How did the prospective adoptive parents meet? How is their marriage? Keep in mind that prospective adoptive parents are no different than others; they could possibly divorce in the future.



• How do the prospective adoptive parents’ friends and family feel about them adopting? Do they have other family members or friends that are adopted or have adopted?



• What are their plans for childcare? Does one plan to be a stay at home parent? What are their views on education and visions of education for a child?



• What are their hobbies? What do they like to do as a family? What do they do at holidays?



• What are their thoughts on child rearing and discipline?



• What is their religion and beliefs?

You may also wish to discuss contact between yourself and them during pregnancy but remember it’s totally up to you as to how much contact you have during pregnancy.

When I sat down with Charlie’s then prospective adoptive parents (now his adoptive parents) I had a few questions I wanted specific answers for but for the most part I didn’t fire away questions. I let things come up in conversation and let them talk and got to know them that way.

Also, it’s important to keep in mind that no one can predict the future. I’m sure you never saw your self being in an unplanned pregnancy, just as a prospective adoptive family or anyone for that matter, can not be certain of what the future may hold and what path they may be led upon.

And last but not least, with open adoptions, remember that they are not legally enforceable.

I’m sure I have missed some good questions, so readers, if you think of a great question that I failed to mention, please leave it in the comment box!

For more info: Birthparent Checklist