Sometimes people think it’s no longer unpopular to be a single mom today—and compared to the stigma single moms experienced in previous generations, things are in fact better. With nearly one in four births involving an unmarried woman, single motherhood is certainly very common these days. But is single motherhood truly accepted, or just grudgingly tolerated? A recent story from MSNBC reports that more than 65 percent of Americans say single women having children is bad for society. Nearly 70 percent of those surveyed said a child needs a home with a mother and a father to grow up happily.

If that 70% majority is correct, then one-quarter of our children have very little chance at growing up happy and well-adjusted. That doesn’t seem right, does it? Maybe it’s a little bit more complex than that. Maybe “happy” can play out in different ways. Maybe kids in two-parent homes can be miserable, and kids from single parent homes can be right as rain. Maybe the number of parents in a home is not the determinant of happiness.

But the stigma persists. When you are alone and expecting, it’s easy to get caught up in that whole “single women having children is killing society” vibe. You want what’s best for your child, but you’re not certain what “best” is. So you listen to the people who seem so incredibly sure that they know.

Many of these people don’t actually know. They just have strong opinions, which often aren’t even based in personal experience.

When you’re trying to decide what might be best for your child, talk to the source. Talk to people who were raised by single mothers. How did it go for them? What did they miss out on? What did they like? Was it so bad that they would have preferred being surrendered and then adopted? Then do the same with adopted people. What were the positives? What were the negatives?

Talk to single moms, too – preferably those who have done it for years and can draw on the entirety of their experience to give you the big-picture view. Do they ever wish they had not chosen to raise their child? What have they lost as a result of being a parent? What have they gained? Would they make the same choice again?

And be sure to ask the same questions of birthparents who have lived with their decision for many years now. Would they make the same decision again? Have the benefits outweighed the costs?

It isn’t easy to fight a 70% majority, and it isn’t easy to decide to be a single parent. But just because public opinion isn’t with you doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice.