If you are making an adoption plan, you may be considering open adoption. Years ago, there were no open adoptions. Expecting mothers were shunned by their families and communities and often sent to maternity homes to have their babies. Their baby’s were then handed over to the agency or attorney handling the adoption, with little or no contact with their baby. Often times, they were not allowed to see or hold their baby. Allowing expectant mothers to choose the prospective adoptive parent - forget it!

We have come a long way from where we were then. Open adoption rates are on the rise and steadily climb. Open adoptions are happening more often. Now, expectant mothers are allowed to choose the prospective adoptive parents, and have some level of ongoing contact with the adoptive parents and their child.

I think typically society (the general public, not the adoption community) sees open adoption as a plus for the biological mother. That if the mother can continue to see and have contact with her child, it will make the adoption process less painful. It does provide me with reassurance that my son is healthy and happy, but it at times it is much like pouring salt on an open wound. It can be bittersweet. I’m thankful for the moments I do have, but am regretful for the moments I miss.

Open adoption can also be beneficial to the child and this happened to be a large reason for me choosing open adoption. Just recently, my son got his first bee sting. His adoptive mother called me to see if anyone in my family was allergic to bee stings. She told me how thankful she was that we had an open adoption, that if medical emergencies ever arrive, I am only a phone call away.

In open adoption, there is no searching, medical records can easily be shared, and biological parents are readily available to answer any questions regarding their adoption that may come over the years.

The definition of open adoption is a broad one. In open adoptions, identifying information is shared and ongoing contact is maintained through pictures, phone calls, and even visits. The level of contact basically depends on all the parties involved.

Now in my explanation of open adoption, I would be providing a disservice if I did not make it especially clear that in most states, open adoption is NOT legally enforceable in court – or anywhere for that matter. The adoptive parents can change their mind or not live up to their end of the agreement and there is very little that can be done to maintain the expectations that are were originally agreed upon.

I also encourage you to leave some leeway in an openness agreement. You may be feeling now that you only want 1 visit a year and later on down the road, decide you should have asked for more. Try to leave a little freedom amongst all parties involve just in case. How you may feel about contact may be totally different in a year or even five or ten.

As I have said before, open adoption is not easy, but I would not trade it for the world. I’m happy to participate in an open adoption and I believe it is my duty to my son to continue to maintain an open adoption.