If the only reason you are considering adoption is because your family is pressuring you to do so, stand up to them. Make this your first big adult decision. There is no situation that will be better suited to your strongly expressing your wants and needs, because you and your baby are the ones who will be most deeply affected.

If your parents are telling you “not in my house,” and they refuse to budge from this position, try to find someone supportive who would allow you to live with them for a few months after delivery, until you get on your feet. And remember that their stubbornness could very well change.

My own parents experience deep regret for how they approached my pregnancy. They now wish they had been more welcoming and supportive.

Because I was older—26 when I got pregnant, and 27 when I gave birth—you might think my parents’ opinions shouldn’t have mattered. After all, I had my own house and did not need money or shelter. But I did need to feel that they were prepared to accept my son as part of the family, and to cheer me on in the role of single mother. I wanted their approval, but did not feel it. I felt that the only way to regain their approval and acceptance was to surrender my son.

Many times since the adoption, I have seen my father break down sobbing over his shame, sadness and regret. He would give anything to have my son back in the family…and so would my mother. But by the time they came to understand this, and see themselves as grandparents, it was too late for us. Don’t let this happen to you!

“Emotional U-turns” are very common among grandparents in crisis pregnancies. Your parents may do a similar maneuver once your baby becomes real to them. Don’t make any permanent decisions based on what may be a temporary attitude on their part.