So, how are your parents handling the news of your pregnancy?

The way your family treats this time has a great deal to do with whether or not you will ultimately surrender your baby to adoption.

It doesn’t matter if you are of age or completely independent—family members still have a major impact on your choices, and their opinions are highly influential. Of course, the younger you are, the more you must listen to what they have to say.

When faced with a crisis pregnancy, most people do have strong initial opinions on what should be done—be it abortion, adoption or parenting. They usually start off favoring one choice very strongly. Family members who express support for "whatever choice is best for you" from the very start are rare…though some may grow into this position with time.

I call it the “not in my house” phenomenon. Your parents may tell you your choices are up to you, but then counter this with the statement, "You are not bringing that baby in my house." This pulls the rug out from whatever other support they may have offered, and severely limits your choices. If you can’t depend on your own family to pull together, chances are it will be very hard to raise your child.

Why do parents do this? It isn’t usually that they are heartless and evil. It’s because they are trying to protect you and minimize your suffering. They already know and love you, but they see the baby as impersonal—a problem to be solved, rather than as a growing life and a unique human being.

My parents were the same way. They thought if I could just "take care of the situation," either by abortion or adoption, the whole episode would be over and done with. They didn’t yet know my son as his own wonderful person, or take into account the love they would feel for their grandchild. They didn’t realize that any choice I made would have lifelong consequences for all of us. No magical snap of the fingers could make everything return to the way it was before.

There is no solution that solves everything. All of the choices have endless reverberations, and all of them involve pain and sacrifice.

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