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I’m using my blog as a place to vent today, so bear with me……
November is National Adoption Awareness month and birth parents do not get a lot of the focus during the month as it more intended to make people aware of the children in foster care waiting to be adopted. I get that. I really do.
I go to a pretty large church that has a very diverse population. We have many adoptive parents that have adopted domestically, through foster care, and internationally. There’s even a small group for adoptive parents. We have a few birthmoms in the congregation that I know of off the top of my head but I knew them through other avenues before I realized we attended the same church. We probably have more birth parents too that are just quiet about it. And I’m sure there are adult adoptees in the congregation as well.
So, the first Sunday of November, in the church bulletin, there is a little something saying that November is National Adoption Awareness Month and there will be a special service one evening for adoptive parents on adoption and infertility conducted by someone from a local adoption agency. That slightly annoyed me for two reasons; the first being the fact that it’s automatically assuming all adoptive parents have infertility issues and secondly, it excludes adoptees and birthparents. I briefly thought I should call and offer to share my experiences as a birthmother during this special service but dismissed the idea thinking I was getting nit picky and making a mole hill into a mountain.
So then today, I’m in the bookstore of the church and I notice a small display stand holding some nice printed copies of the poem “Legacy of an Adopted Child.” They are printed all nice on card stock with a pretty little graphic and a little sign saying “Adoptive Parents, Please take one.” Those have never been there before, so I know they are there because it’s National Adoption Awareness Month.
That really annoyed me. If I really wanted a pretty copy of that poem, I could make one myself, but the point is, I felt excluded. AGAIN. IN CHURCH! In my eyes, that’s the one place I should NOT feel excluded.
When I talked to A. (Charlie’s adoptive Mom) today I told her about it. She suggested I should print up a nice poem having to do with being a birthparent and put it next to the ones for adoptive parents with a sign saying “For Birthparents.”
I don’t want to be petty, this is church after all. But I’d love to know your thoughts, my dear readers. Should I contact my church and suggest this or should I just “turn the other cheek” so to speak?
I would contact your church Coley. Birth mothers are why adoptions happen to begin with. I definetly think we should be acknowledged during adoption awareness month.
Nothing will ever change for us until we all start speaking out more.
People ignorning us as part of the equation is the first step to being able to sweep us under the rug and trample on our rights. It’s important to make your voice heard, if you can handle it.
I would contact your church. Today. There’s a difference between turning the other cheek and reminding Christians to love one another. You don’t have to be angry and rude when you call. Just be honest. If we don’t speak up, no one will know.
I’m not quite comfortable at our church yet this year. (We just started going to this one this summer.) But I hope to speak up next year.
You should contact your church – and educate them. Our pastor and his wife are childless (and sadly have unresolved fertility issues). Mother’s Day services have been very “interesting” since they have come. He was quick to “correct” us about excluding the feelings of those who are infertile on that holiday. So, I kindly, but firmly reminded him and the church of all kinds of mothers — adoptive, foster, and birth moms who often get excluded as well.
You are right — no one should feel excluded at their own church. And for everyone who speaks up about an issue like this, there are several more in the pews who are hurting about it and will thank you for it.
Coley, I’m sure they aren’t trying to exclude you, but they need educating, just like I did about birth moms before I adopted. I don’t know, I must have thought children were brought by a stork or something. Really. If you aren’t part of a triad, you might not think about the issues. I didn’t only a few years ago. Call them. offer to educate.
Jesus says when we are offended by another to tell them so it doesnt fester. Tell them. Birthmoms should be recognized for the awesome stuff that they do. Remind them of Hannah who was a birthmom as well as Moses’ mother. Perhaps you could show them how Hannah was a birthmom in an open adoption and how she worked all year on a coat for little Samuel and how much love and tears she must have poured into that coat.
Speak Coley.
i agree 100% with what every one else has said. ‘Speak’ and the door will open!
Coley, I would most definetly say something in a nice way most people just dont know any other way or much in the way of adoption. Media talk on the adopted parents side the most and foster care. So offer your help your so talented and I know it would be a blssing to all birthmoms. I would all so mention to the pastor he should make a anouncment saying that the church is offering the cards and sometihng nice in the way of birthmoms since there are a few you know of in the congercation that this may of hurt . let him know. after all adoption would never happen with out us. love you lanilou
Coley, Please talk to the church about this This is something that just can’t be. If you’re feeling left out because of this, I bet all birthparents are feeling left out. Adoption month should be focusing on every member of the triad, not just the adoptive parents.
I know the church is not trying to be mean or leave us out, but they are ignorant about the feelings of birthparents and need to be educated. Please do that for all of the birthparents that go to that church.
Coley, I do not think you are being petty at all. I would contact them and offer to speak at their function and let them know you have some printed poems to add to their display for Birthparents & adoptees. With all you have done to make others aware I am sure you are very capable to handle this situation as well.