We briefly touched on what open adoption is in the Types of Adoption Post from Friday. Since open adoption is so widespread currently, I feel like we should spend some time on it, so I'll do a short series on it. Not everyone has the same definition of open adoption and not all parties involved in an open adoption may want the same thing as another group of triad members involved in an open adoption. Open adoptions have to be tailored made to fit each triad member involved – meaning the adoptive parents, the child, and the birthparents.

On her Open Adoption Insight Resources and Support Web site, Brenda Romanchick explains open adoption eloquently.

The primary difference between a truly open adoption and a semi-open adoption is that the adopted child has the potential of developing a one-on-one relationship with his or her birthfamily. It is not about the adoptive parents bestowing birthparents with the privilege of contact, nor is it about birthparents merely being available to provide information over the years. Direct contact, in the form of letters, phone calls and visits between the birthfamily and the adopted child, along with his adoptive family, is essential if they are to establish their own relationship. After all, how can we honestly call an adoption open if the child is not involved?

Brenda’s article and site promote child centered open adoption – isn’t that who all of this is about anyways? She goes to say that in pre placement meetings prospective adoptive parents and potential birthparents are asked to etch out what type of contact agreement they may want in the future. She reminds us that this should not be about how many visits who wants, but what about the child needs.

Patricia Martinez Dorner, author of Children of Open Adoption and Talking to Your Child about Adoption, encourages us to see open adoption as just another form of blended family.

In adopting, adoptive parents are welcoming the member of one family into their own. This "blending" of families is not without its share of uncomfortable moments, but the beauty of birthparents and adoptive parents accepting each other as family is twofold:
One, birthparents and adoptive parents really get to know each other. It allows them to see who the others are outside of their adoption experience. Birthparents can be seen as more than someone who found themselves in a difficult situation and adoptive parents can be seen as more than an infertile couple. Being able to know each other as complete human beings allows for greater acceptance. The adopted child is also able to know his birthparents as they are, rather than creating a fantasy birthparent. Instead of spending countless hours conjuring up an image of a person they do not know, they can use that energy for other things.

Two, it gives the child a sense of wholeness. There will no doubt be times when birthparents and adoptive parents take up the responsibility of maintaining the connection with each other. An infant, a toddler or a child cannot carry the burden of maintaining the connection between his two families. An adopted child whose birthfamily and adoptive family come together in a familial way, will grow up with greater certainty. There is a saying that the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love one another. I think it is inclusive of all parents, not just married couples.

So, what does a family blended by open adoption best compare to? In their book, The Open Adoption Experience, Sharon Kaplan-Roszia and Lois Melina state: "In practice, the relationship in open adoption is…comparable to that between in-laws."

In marriage, a spouse accepts his or her in-laws because he or she realizes that they are an important part of who his or her spouse is. In open adoption, the adoptive family and birthfamily make a commitment to stay in contact because they also realize that the birthfamily is an important part of who the child is. As with in-laws, relationships vary. Some open adoption relationships develop into friendships while others are more distantly involved. All, however, recognize that they are family to one another, and important in the life of the child.

Brenda’ s Web Site, Open Adoption Insight, has many articles worth reading, many points that need to be made, and is an asset to anyone considering adoption. Brenda herself is involved in an open adoption. I highly recommend you get on over there and check it out!