One of the things that I think many women considering adoption don’t think about is that they never may be able to have anymore children. It was certainly not something that I thought about. I just assumed that I would be able to have more children when I was ready to. And then we decided we were ready and we tried and we tried and we tried. Finally we conceived and were thrilled beyond words. But then the unexpected happened and we lost that baby. Having dealt with three miscarriages and one relinquishment, I unfortunately know way more than I ever wanted to know about grief and loss.

Miscarriages are common. According to the Hope Exchange about one in four reported pregnancies end in miscarriage and it’s expected that it is more like one in three pregnancies since some miscarriages occur before a women is even aware that she is indeed pregnant.

Miscarriages do happen to those who are experiencing unplanned/crisis pregnancy situations. In fact, a friend who recently found out she was unexpectedly pregnant was devastated to be pregnant once she learned of the pregnancy. Not too long after learning she was pregnant, she miscarried. She later confided in me that she felt like it was her fault because she lost the baby because she wasn’t happy about being pregnant. Please know if this has happened or happens to you, that it’s not your fault. My doctor has reassured me many times that miscarriages do not occur because of something that you did or did not do; they just happen and many times we don’t know why.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and today, October 15th, is considering Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, a day in which we remember all the babies who were lost before they were born or soon after birth and their parents.

Edited to Add: I should have posted something about this the first time, but many of us who have lost babies to miscarriage or death will be lighting a candle in honor and remembrance of them tonight at 7 pm. For more details, visit this web page.

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Other Posts about Pregnancy Loss:
Remebering our Angels
Empty Hearts Unite
Grieving an Angel
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Remembering Rose Angel (by Jenna)