Why do I dislike adoption advertising so much? Lately I’ve been trying to pin down the source of my aversion, and I came up with a few reasons I find the practice so distasteful.

1. It’s cheapening. This is something I’ve never liked about America – the fact that everything can be bought and sold. We will market literally ANYTHING—even the most private, sensitive social problems. But some things should not be pushed using advertising, and I think surrender is one of them. (I don’t like most other forms of adoption advertising, either, but it’s the ads aimed at pregnant couples that inflame me the most.)

2. It doesn’t tell the full story. Adoption advertising shows ONE side of the story, but there are many more. Like all big, complex issues, it’s multifaceted one. Adoption advertising makes the message too simple: you can’t tell the complete story in a soundbite, and if you try, you are being misleading and dishonest.

In the end, it doesn’t serve anyone to ignore the pain side of adoption in an attempt to sell expectant parents on the need to place—not the expectant parents, not the hopeful adoptive parents, and not the children whose welfare depends on their first parents being able to make an informed choice, free from coercion. And since few people are going to respond to an ad that acknowledges the whole story, it’s probably best to just avoid marketing to expectant parents completely.

3. It can lead to bad matches. When agencies and other entities attempt to entice pregnant women with ads, they are trying to produce an outcome…and that outcome is definitely not “Let’s consider all your options, including parenting.” By trying to influence women at this most vulnerable point in their lives, these agencies are setting up triad members to experience a great deal of regret down the road. It hurts everyone: if the expectant parents are railroaded into doing something that’s not right for them or their children, adoptive parents may have to deal with the heartbreak of failed or disrupted placements.

I have to believe that we are smart enough to come up with ways to make adoption work without marketing. I still believe adoption can be done without advertising.