Unplanned Pregnancy, Expectant Parent Blog - Lifebooks for Adopted Children: Passing on Your Heritage

06/28/06

Lifebooks for Adopted Children: Passing on Your Heritage

Posted by : Coley S. in Crisis Pregnancy Blog at 02:35 am , 606 words, 156 views
Categories: Scrapbooking

Many professionals in the adoption community recommend “lifebooks” for children who have been in foster homes and children who are adopted at an older age but I think they can be beneficial to all adopted children.

Lifebooks can be created during pregnancy while making and adoption plan as a positive way to pass on your legacy. Whether you are planning an open or a closed adoption, your child can still benefit from a lifebook as they have something tangible there to explain things to them when you are not physically there.

You are probably wondering……

What is a lifebook?
A lifebook is basically a scrapbook that tells about your role in your child’s life as his/her birthmother and his/her biological family.

How do I create a lifebook?
First off, you must decide what information you’d like to include in your lifebook. (Some suggestions are included below.) There are no rules, no right or wrong way to create a lifebook, so the information you include in your lifebook is totally up to you.

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You can choose to make your lifebook by hand in scrapbooking fashion or use some of the newer computer scrap booking software. With the software you can print your pages out and place them in an album.
Again, it doesn’t have to be fancy - it is truly the information and sentiment that is important.

What age should I gear the lifebook towards?
I think it’s important to write it so that a young child can understand it but that it’s not “talking down” to a pre-teen or young adult reading it. Remember this is something you will want your child to cherish and hang on to.

When should I give my child the lifebook?
Whenever you want! Many women create these and send them with their birthchild at placement, while others may give it to the adoptive parents and let them choose the appropriate time to share the lifebook with the child.

What info should I include in a lifebook?
The options are endless! Below is a list of items you may wish to include.

Pictures of yourself and birthfather (if you wish to include info about the birthfather) through the years - like baby photos, early childhood photos and so on…

Biography type information on yourself such as full name, birth date, place of birth, high school graduation or college graduation year, childhood memories, etc..

Information on your parents such as their full names, pictures of them on their wedding day or dating, names of their siblings, their birth dates, occupations, etc…

Pictures and information on your siblings

A biological family tree

Poems, songs, quotes related to adoption that are important or hold special meaning to you

Ultra sound pictures

A letter explaining how you chose adoption for your child

Pictures of you and the adoptive family before your child was born if you had a relationship with them prior to birth

Memories from the birth of your child, hospital stay, etc…

Pics of you and your birth child together in the hospital and post placement

I did not make and give Charlie a lifebook until he was nearly 4 years old. But by judging on the reactions on himself and his adoptive parents, it's something I wish I had done sooner. Pregnancy would have been a great time to work on a lifebook for him. His family truly treasures it. I am a part of who Charlie is and who he will become.

So if you are making an adoption plan, I encourage you to sit down and create this lasting legacy for your birthchild!

4 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: lahdh4 [Member]

You know I am in awe of everything that you write. I look forward to hearing your words. Plus it gets me to moving to doind some of the same things, especially this for J.

Permalink 06/28/06 @ 09:53

Comment from: Heather Lowe [Member]

· http://unplanned-pregnancy.adoptionblogs.com/

It is a very good idea to do one of these, but I would not recommend that an expectant mom try to finish it during pregnancy. First, because the adoption decision ought not be set in stone during this time, and if you write about it as a foregone conclusion, you might be talking yourself into something you can't change later. Second, a woman's thoughts and feelings about pregnancy, possible surrender, and the potential adoptive parents can also change greatly over time. (What I would have written to my son when he was six months or a year is quite different from what I would say now.)

Just a thought.

Overall, the idea of making a lifebook is excellent...and it's never too early to start gathering materials. I would just caution that a woman might want to hold off on actually presenting it until her feelings have had time to settle and her child is more aware.

And another thing - be sure to keep a copy. If the open adoption shuts down, there is no guarantee that the book on which you spent so much time will get to your child. I've seen it happen many times.

Permalink 06/28/06 @ 14:22

Comment from: Coley S. [Member]

· http://unplanned-pregnancy.adoptionblogs.com/

That's a very good point Heather! Thank you for making it!

Permalink 06/28/06 @ 22:38

Comment from: Brittanys1stmom [Member]

· http://www.birthmombuds.com/showcase_alicia.htm

Though my birth daughter's adoptive parents closed the adoption, I still keep a journal and a photo album for her. I also have saved her things from the short time I had her. These are great points Heather and Coley. Thanks for writing this Coley.

Permalink 07/18/06 @ 06:47

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