June 10th, 2007
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My journey as a birthmother has taught me many things. Some of these things or “lessons” are things I already knew but have been reaffirmed in my walk as a birthmother while others specifically relate to adoption and I didn’t know as an outsider.

  1. I’ve learned to be more compassionate. I was already a compassionate person but adoption and being a birthmother has taught me to be even more compassionate towards other people.
  2. I’ve learned to root for the underdog. I consider an expectant mother who is single and doesn’t have a lot material wise to be the under dog. More and more I find myself rooting for her, helping these women that cross my path to know that they can do it. I want to see them succeed.
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  4. I’ve learned that I can never escape from adoption. If I’m having a bad day regarding adoption and just want to hide under my covers and not hear the word “adoption” it’s often not possible. It’s on television, the radio, in the newspapers, etc. Adoption is everywhere.
  5. I’ve learned that adoption doesn’t mean your child will have a perfect life. Although while pregnant you may be told and think that making an adoption plan will result in a better life for your child, it of course will not be a perfect life. They will still experience disappointments and heartaches regardless.
  6. I’ve learned that what is right for one person may not be right for another. Adoption was the best answer for me at the time I made my adoption plan, but just because it was the right answer for me, doesn’t necessarily make it the right answer for another woman.
  7. I’ve learned that society will always judge me for my choice. There will always be people who disagree with my decision.
  8. I’ve learned that my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and opinions about adoption are like a revolving door, always changing and evolving as I grow older, experience, learn, and see more.
  9. I’ve learned that birthmothers come of all ages, in all colors, and from all different walks of life. We are each different and unique. There is no mold or stereotypical birthmom.

Related Posts:
Changing Views
How Becoming a Birthmom has Changed Me

8 Responses to “Lessons Learned from being a Birthmother”

  1. I know you take a lot of hits for your positions and just want to say that I have a great deal of respect for you. Your strength and compassion are to be honored.

  2. Heather Lowe says:

    This is a great list. And I feel I’ve learned the same things.

  3. roni says:

    I too can relate to this list. And I decided to keep my son! The term adoption still hits me hard. I hold my son and tell him how sorry I am. And I cry at night for the pain I caused the “prospective adoptive parents”. I don’t regret my decision, I regret the pain I caused.

  4. Jan Baker says:

    Something we all agree on – it is a good list!

  5. Coley S. says:

    LOL Jan! We all can get along! Yay! :)

  6. How do we, as a society, help the underdogs? I know there is WIC and public assistance, but are there charities set up specifically to assist young, single mothers?

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