June 10th, 2007
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In my last post, I talked about the lessons I have learned as a birthmother. But I have also learned many things and lessons from the adoptive mothers and adoptees I have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know on my adoption journey. The list below may not be things that every adoptive mother or adoptee will agree with or feels as well, but the things and feelings of the adoptive mothers and adoptees I have met along the way.

  1. I’ve learned from adoptive mothers that they are normal people too who make mistakes, need breaks, have marital problems, etc… Often times, society, adoption agencies, and our own minds may put them on a pedestal and paint them as having a perfect life, but they are just normal people.
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  3. I’ve learned from adoptive mothers that they grieve too. They grieve the loss of experiencing pregnancy and the loss of having biological children.
  4. I’ve learned from adoptive mothers that they feel guilty at times and feel that they are source and cause of a birthmother’s pain. Some initially have a hard time enjoying their child because they think about the loss and pain a birthmother is feeling.
  5. I’ve learned from adoptive mothers that they (most of them) respect birthmothers a great deal and there is no reason that we (birthmothers and adoptive mothers) can not get along.
  6. I’ve learned from adoptees that the material things a birthmother couldn’t provide did not matter. Love could have been enough.
  7. I’ve learned from adoptees that they did often wonder about their birthmother and birth family over the years.
  8. I’ve learned from adoptees that no matter how great their adoptive family is, most of them still always feel some sense of loss.
  9. I’ve learned from adoptees that it really is possible to love two mothers.


Related Post:
Lessons Learned from being a Birthmother

7 Responses to “Lessons Learned from Adoptive Mothers and Adoptees”

  1. soblessed says:

    ((HUGS)), Coley!! What a great post!!

  2. roni says:

    I agree sooo much with #5! As you know,Coley, I ALMOST gave my son up because I wasn’t able to give him all the material items J & P could. But, since I brought him home I can’t believe the LOVE he has brought to my family. NOTHING REPLACES THE LOVE OF A FAMILY. He may not have a swingset in the back yard, but we do have a park two blocks away. My mom says he has more toys then the six kids she had put together. (May be do to my guilt over the “planned adoption” :)

  3. Jan Baker says:

    Good post Coley – all important things to learn! I may do a similar list because I have learned a great deal here too.

  4. Coley S. says:

    Thanks Jan! I’ll be looking for your list! :)

  5. Faith Allen says:

    I agree with all of the adoptive mother statements. :0)

    - Faith

  6. BEACHLADY says:

    Great post!

    Adoptive mothers are just mothers – we have our daily struggles and joys!

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