Let's get practical for a moment. What are the things you need to know in preparation for the day you come home from the hospital without your child? I’ve listed a few here…perhaps other birthparents will think of more.

1. Make sure you have someone to pick you up and take you home from the hospital. In my case, none of us had thought of that, and when the day came, I was forced to call around to find a ride home. No one was available, and it was awful. Let me tell you, when you have just separated from your child, you don’t need this additional loneliness. Have this part worked out in advance.

(Of course, you probably know by now that I recommend all prospective birthmoms take their baby home from the hospital and try parenting for a week or two. I hope you follow my advice about NOT leaving the hospital without your baby. In that case, you’ll still need a ride, and you'll also need a car seat and baby supplies at home.)

2. If you’re going to be alone and grieving, make sure you have food and other supplies at the house. You aren’t going to feel like eating, but you aren’t going to feel like shopping, either.

3. Be prepared for your milk to come in. For some reason, this is another thing I hadn’t thought of, and when it happened, a few days after his birth, it was both emotionally and physically painful. To stop the flow of milk, you might need the old “cabbage and ace bandage” trick. Place the cabbage leaves over your breasts and wrap tightly in ace bandages.

4. Don’t try to immediately go back to work. The days after surrender are some of the worst of your life—it feels like someone died. If you have a choice, take time off. Some people may give you a hard time about using any amount of “maternity” leave, since your baby isn’t with you, but keep in mind you have just given birth and your body needs time to heal. You’ve also just suffered a major loss, and your spirit needs time, too.

As I said, these are my first thoughts…I may have more. Additional suggestions from parents who have been there are welcomed.