Did you know that adoption law is state law? There is no set of federal guidelines for how relinquishments take place. The rules and procedures are different in every state.

In some states, the papers you sign will be irrevocable; in others, you will have a certain amount of time (ranging anywhere from a few days to a year, depending on the state) to change your mind and reclaim your child. In some places, papers can be put in front of you immediately after the birth, while you are in your hospital bed, possibly still medicated and “out of it.” Other states recognize the seriousness of the final decision, and they won’t allow you to take this step in what is supposed to be a place of healing and rest. Instead, you must appear before a judge in a court of law to sign the surrenders. Some states allow you to put an open adoption agreement on record and make provisions for it to be legally upheld, which really helps in cases where adoptive parents start breaking their promises. Unfortunately, this is a minority of states.

Obviously, this patchwork system of laws means that there are places that are friendlier to your rights than others. Don’t allow yourself to be whisked away to another state to have your baby and sign surrenders. The only reason that someone would ask you to relocate while pregnant is to put you in a place where your rights are not protected, so that it is easier and faster for them to get your baby.

Remember, too, that just because a state allows you to do something in a certain way, doesn’t mean you have to do it. South Carolina, for example, allows an attorney to present you with relinquishment papers as soon as the baby arrives, but you don’t have to sign the papers then and there. You can wait until you are out of the hospital and are truly ready. Unfortunately, many agencies, attorneys or facilitators will never tell you this, because they don’t want you to have the time to think things over and change your mind.

The lack of uniformity in adoption practices makes it difficult to counsel the women and men like you, who are facing crisis pregnancy. The answer to many of your legal questions will always be, "It depends on where you live."

This is why it's important to find your own legal counsel, if you can afford it. If not, try to do some research online to find out what your rights are in your specific state. Otherwise, you could be pushed into doing things the way others want you to do them, instead of the way they should be done.