February 27th, 2008
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In my last post, I ranted about an adoption agency website that boasted their luxury living quarters complete with a swimming pool and twenty four hour state of the art exercise facility for expectant mothers making adoption plans.

On that same agency website was a page that listed the “possible benefits of adoption for birthmothers.” Some of them were basic “benefits” that I’d read before like the ability to continue your educate without juggling a child and school. But one particular so called benefit really bugged me.

The opportunity to bring many people a lot of happiness that would not occur without you.

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Yes, making an adoption plan is going to make other people happy. The parents who adopt the baby as well as their extended family and friends will be happy. The adoption agency is going to be happy because they’ve done their job, but it is NOT your responsibility to make all these other people happy. When you are considering making an adoption plan, making people happy shouldn’t be one of the reasons you follow through with that adoption plan!

I did not get pregnant unexpectedly and then make an adoption plan just to make other people happy. Yes, that was a result but it was not in my reasoning and decision making process.

I was recently talking with a woman who was pregnant and considering adoption. After several weeks, many of the reasons she initially began to consider adoption had resolved and she was really wanting to parent but she had already chosen adoptive parents. The adoptive parents she had chosen had no children and had been family friends of hers for twelve years. So although she was thought she would be ok parenting, she was still leaning towards continuing with the adoption plan because she knew the prospective adoptive parents would be crushed. I suggested that she think about her reasons for making the adoption plan and take the adoptive parents being friends of her family’s for so long out of the equation, pretend they were strangers, and then see where she stood regarding adoption. Ultimately, she decided parenting would be the best option for her.

While I sympathize with what couples who are hoping to adopt go through, I do not think that an expectant mother should take their thoughts or happiness into consideration while she is in the decision making process.


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Related Posts:
Agency Provided Housing for Pregnant Women
Signs of Good and Bad Adoption Agencies

One Response to “It’s not your Job to Make Others Happy”

  1. mommyof1 says:

    Bravo and well said! And this is coming from an adoptive mother! No birth mother should ever be pressured into signing papers to make another family happy-that is something that will happen if she chooses to do so but it has to be completely separate from her decision. It is her decision and should be for her personal reasons alone! Thank you for your insight!

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