In my quest to bring you the stories of real birthmothers, I interviewed Jamie, a friend, single parent and rather new birthmom. Jamie has raised her daughter, Gabrielle as a single parent for the past 12 years and just about four months ago, placed her daughter Lauren in a semi-open adoption. Jamie’s interview provides us with an inside look at a new birthmother. Keep in mind though; each person’s feelings are her own. Jamie may not feel exactly what I felt and you may not feel what she felt. This is just an inside glimpse into her love and pain. In the coming weeks and months, I will bring you stories and interviews of other birthmothers, new and old. While no two stories are the same, I think we can benefit from reading each one with an open mind and heart.

Coley: Hi, Jamie, Thank you so much for letting me interview you. I thought it would be neat for my readers to hear from a new birthmom since some of them may be following through with adoption plans.

Please tell us the circumstances that led you to adoption.

Jamie: I am a never married single parent to Gabrielle, who is twelve and half. About 7 years ago, I made a decision of faith to become a Christian. Out of this new commitment, I had made a new pledge to take serious God's plan for me in the area of sexual purity. So I began volunteering at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center to help out others in the same way that I had been helped. This lead to helping other single young ladies like myself gain some life skills in order to raise their new babies in the world of single parenthood. Single parenthood is hard.

After a long season of no dating and abstinence, I got involved in a short term relationship with this really nice guy who dumps me after 3 weeks. I was left hurt and all of the sudden feeling as if "I needed a man in my life." Well, there was one waiting for me right around the corner. I entered into this relationship making one small compromise after another which finally led to me giving in to a sexual relationship with him. Four months into this empty dissatisfying relationship, I found out that I was pregnant. I felt really trapped. And I was emotionally and spiritually a mess from the compromises. I knew that neither him nor I were in any place to raise another child. We did not love each other. He was not the Godly man that I had always desired and hoped for to raise my children. I also found that he had a criminal record and that really worried me. I feared that I would lose both of my children if he continued to be a part of our lives.

I began to see adoption as a better alternative for all of our protection. Our baby, Lauren, is innocent in all of this and I did not want her to suffer because of our bad decisions. I wanted Lauren to have what I have always wanted for myself and Gabby. I wanted her to have something better. I thought she deserved a two parent family and life without constant struggle. As a Christian, abortion was never even a consideration for me.

Coley: Were there any moments during your pregnancy when you doubted that adoption was the right choice?

Jamie: Yes, about a month before Lauren was born. I had not found parents for her yet and I thought that I was being called to raise her. I knew that I had to look at the current facts in front of me regarding me and the b-fathers condition. And that is what kept me so sure that adoption was the best option for her at the time. Emotionally I was always torn over the decision but I knew deep down in my heart that she deserved better than what we could offer her at this point in our lives.

Coley: How did you explain your choice of adoption to your daughter that you are parenting? How did she handle it?

Jamie: At first I didn't explain the choice of adoption to her. I just told her that it was the decision that I needed to make for Lauren and she agreed. I don't think at that time, it registered in her mind that I was carrying her little half sister and that this decision would bring her grief too. All she thought was she was going to be second place if we kept Lauren. I told her that she would never be second place, that I love Lauren just as much as I love her. So she had mixed emotions during the process. Now four months later after Lauren's placement, she loves to look at the pictures but I can tell that she grieves the loss of Lauren too.