On Monday I began a short series on interfamily adoptions. In that post, I explained what interfamily adoptions were, shared some resources for more information, and touched on the issues that may arise as a result of interfamily adoptions.

Today and tomorrow I’d like to share the story of two women. One woman, Michelle, is a birthmother and the other woman, Amanda, is an adoptive mother. But they are more than just two women sharing their love for the same precious child, Olivia. They are sisters. I interviewed both of them. Let me start you off with a little background information on them and then I will share their interview.

There are eight years between Michelle and Amanda. Amanda is the oldest and Michelle is the youngest. They didn’t really grow up together because Amanda moved in with their Grandmother at age 16, but they have always been close. Michelle says, “She is always someone I looked up to. Even with the space between us, she is always someone I could talk to. I am much closer to her than any of my other siblings.”

When Michelle became unexpectedly pregnant at age 20, she and her boyfriend decided that adoption would be the best option for their daughter.

Coley: How did you come to the decision of letting your sister adopt your child? Did you ever consider anyone else adopting her?

Michelle: This is where my boyfriend and I had some disagreements. He felt it would be better to give her to someone who couldn’t ever have kids of their own and that we should keep our distance to make the grieving easier. I, on the other hand, felt it would be to harder to give her to a couple who I didn’t know. One night while talking to my sister about my concerns she offered to adopt her. My sister already had 3 children but had undergone an emergency hysterectomy but still wanted more children. I trusted my sister because I had already seen that she and her husband were good parents to their own children and this would also give us a way where we could keep the family tree intact.

Coley: How has your relationship with your sister changed since Olivia's adoption?

Michelle: The one thing I was totally unprepared for was a change in my relationship with my sister. The thing that hit me the hardest was that I had lost the one person I could 'openly' tell everything I was feeling to and not get a judgmental reply. It was very hard for her to see me grieve and it made her feel like she was the one who caused my pain. I had to grieve not only the loss of my baby, but also the loss of the biggest member of my support group.

Amanda: I have always had very strong feelings for Michelle, and that aspect of our relationship has not changed. In order for our adoption to work I think the love and trust has been an essential part. What has changed is that she is no longer just my sister; she is a birth mother with very specific needs. Neither Michelle nor I knew how to make an inter-family adoption work; but by keeping long-term goals in mind and relying on our trust and love of the other I think we are making it work.

To be continued tomorrow.....