I’ve often heard adoptive parents complain about the intrusiveness of home studies, in which a social worker visits their home and asks detailed questions that are supposed to determine their fitness to be parents.

Well, I’m not sure if other states do it this way, but as an expectant mother planning an independent adoption in South Carolina, I had to undergo a similar visit—-only it wasn’t an assessment of my ability to parent. The purpose seemed to be to gather descriptive information that could be passed on to the hopeful adoptive parents.

In my version of a home study, a social worker came to my home and interviewed me for about an hour. She asked questions about how I became pregnant, what my baby's father was like, my educational and professional background, and my medical and sexual history. She asked about my prenatal care, and wanted to know of any drinking, smoking or drug use. She did not ask any questions about what factors were causing me to consider adoption, or whether I had considered parenting. She merely looked around my house, asked her pre-written questions, and wrote detailed notes.

A report was written about me that I never got to see. (I’d love to know what it said.)

At the time, I was in such a daze that I didn’t object. In hindsight, though, I feel as though I know what adoptive parents are talking about when they chafe at the very idea of home studies. The experience does feel a bit unpleasant, like you’re under the microscope.

However, to those who dislike home studies, I’d like to say this: if you question why it needs to be done, put yourself in our shoes. We’re going to trust you with our precious baby. We need to know that you’re good people, and safe.

In fact, this may be seen as a radical idea, but I’d like to see a summary of the home study given to the expectant mother. Surely there is a way to give first parents an accurate picture while maintaining a measure of privacy for the adopting parents. Don’t we deserve to know as much as possible where our babies are going? Why should we trust the opinion of an intermediary?

Which, by the way, is another problem with closed or semi-open adoption, and one that is often solved by open adoption. Think about it. If you were going to leave your child with someone for the weekend, you’d check them out. Our situation is magnified. As potential birthparents, we’re considering leaving our child with you for a lifetime. We need to know as much about you as possible.

As I heard one social worker say, “She’s going to give you her baby. The least you can do is give her your address.”