As a professional communicator, I’m constantly undergoing training in what we call “crisis communications” – in other words, how to be ready for when the unexpected can and does happen. Because I see this word all the time – CRISIS! – I got to thinking about how I could apply what I know from P.R. to another topic I know well: so-called “crisis” pregnancies.

Here’s a list of a few generally accepted practices for dealing with a media crisis. Let’s take a look, and then try to adapt them to an unplanned pregnancy.

• Bring the situation under control, if possible. Always protect people first and property second. Analyze the situation to judge its newsworthiness. Don't create a crisis by jumping the gun. Many times the situation doesn't warrant media attention.
• Gather the facts - who, what, where, when, why, how, what next.
• If necessary, activate your crisis management team. Act quickly to distribute the information you determine the media and others should have.
• Give the media as much information as possible; they'll get the information (perhaps inaccurately) from other sources. Report your own bad news. Don't allow another source to inform the media first.
• Don't speculate. If you don't know the facts say so and promise to get back to the media as soon as possible. Then be sure to do so.
• Protect the integrity and reputation of the organization.

As for the first point, bringing the situation under control, well, that can be difficult when it feels like your whole world is spinning decidedly OUT of control—but breathing deeply and talking to yourself helps. Is this really a crisis? Is it the end of the world to be pregnant now? You didn’t expect it, sure, but will it ruin your entire life? All around the world, plenty of people get pregnant when they don’t mean to be. You’re not alone, and your pregnancy might not be as big a crisis as you first perceive it to be. Regain control, and identify what is scaring you most about this news.

The next thing to do, once you calm yourself down, is to gather information and analyze. This applies in a surprise pregnancy, too. How much will it cost to raise a child? Who might be able to help you? Why do you feel uncertain about your ability to raise the child? How might the various options—parenting, abortion, adoption—affect everyone?
Take your time and do your research.

In the media, the next step is to activate your crisis management team. You’ll need to form a team, too. Identify your allies and figure out who you can count on. Chances are, some of the people you thought you could rely on will ultimately let you down, but on the other hand, you’ll also find some unexpected friends. Solidify your support group, and lean on them.

The fourth point is about sharing information, and it also applies to unplanned pregnancy. For some people, the instinct is to hide the news, but secrecy and shame never pays off in the long run. Tell the baby’s father, and anyone else who needs to know. Be open and honest about what you’re facing. You can’t form a good support network if you conceal the truth.

The next point, avoiding speculation, here translates as “avoid too many what-ifs.” It’s a fine line between considering possibilities (which you need to do) and dwelling too long on what may be (not productive). You could invent scenarios all day long about how things MIGHT turn out. Yes, you could raise a delinquent if you don’t have a father in the home, or yes, your child could feel lifelong rage at having been given up. It’s hard to know, isn’t it? Focus more on hard research and general trends instead of collecting individual stories about things that COULD MAYBE happen.

“Protect the integrity and reputation of the organization.” In this case, the organization consists of two people: you and your baby. Don’t let anyone tear you down, make you feel insecure, or abuse your rights. Don’t let others boss you or coerce you. Don't let your needs become secondary to those of hopeful adoptive parents. And always act as if your child is watching, because he or she will someday know how you have behaved.

Hmm, this media stuff works pretty well in other areas. Now why didn't I apply it in my own situation? Because it's HARD to keep perspective when everyone around you is telling you what a CRISIS this is. Think of your pregnancy as unplanned, unexpected, or a surprise, and you'll have taken the first step toward navigating it well.