Okay, so you’ve clearly stated the decision to be made, developed objectives, classified your musts and wants, and weighed the relative importance of each. You’ve also listed your alternatives (making sure you’ve uncovered them all!) and you’ve compared them against the musts and wants. You’ve also identified potential risks, so that you’re going into this with eyes wide open.

Now you’re ready to start deciding. Notice I said “start” deciding, not firmly decide. You cannot fully decide to let your baby go until her or she has arrived. You must experience your own motherhood in order to freely give it up. You have to know what you are going to lose before you can be informed enough to sign it away. You also have to try parenthood to clearly understand what you will be gaining and losing with that choice.

I would love to see every new parent who is considering surrender given a couple of weeks to be a parent to their baby in their own home or other neutral location. I really think this would go a long way toward eliminating coercion and unnecessary surrenders. And it’s possible that this could help those who aren’t cut out for parenting recognize their limitations and begin to consider surrender as a better option.

Making the actual decision involves identifying the most balanced choice – and with all of the tradeoffs involved among choices, there may not be a clear winner. All solutions to an unplanned pregnancy involve compromises, and all have drawbacks and sorrows as well as victories. Hopefully, if you have thoroughly considered all your options and weighed the risks, you’ll be likelier to find a solution that makes the most sense for your life, and that of your baby.