If you are pretty firm in your decision to place your child for adoption, another issue that may come up is whether or not you wish to have the prospective adoptive parents in the labor and delivery room with you. In this context I am referring to the prospective adoptive parents being in the labor room as spectators not your labor coach.

As with most issues in the adoption world, there are different schools of thought and pros and cons to this subject. Before you begin pondering the thought of whether or not to have the adoptive parents in the delivery room with you, check with the hospital that you intend to give birth at and find out what there rules are as to how many people are allowed in the delivery room. Some hospitals only allow two, while others may be a bit more flexible with this. Also, should there be complications during labor; they may limit the number of people allowed in the room. Flexibility is key for most issues revolving around the labor and delivery experience.

Some people feel that by having the adoptive parents in the delivery room, this creates a sense of entitlement on the adoptive parents part and a sense of obligation on an expectant mother’s part; almost as if you “owe” them your baby since you let them watch him or her enter the world and that if you are having any doubts you may not express them because they were present.

The labor and delivery experience is very emotional and that you don’t know how you will feel until you are actually in the midst of it. So if you do invite the prospective adoptive parents in the room and things become too overwhelming or emotional then you may have to ask them to leave the labor room.

Some feel that having the prospective adoptive parents in the room, creates a meaningful experience for all involved, allows the adoptive mother to witness the birth, and will be a neat story to share with the child later on.

It’s not your job to make this experience meaningful for anyone, your job is to bring your baby into the world safely and you need to be comfortable with who is in the room in order to best do that, whether that means the prospective adoptive parents are in the room, in the lobby, or waiting at home.

I'm really on the fence with this issue. I know birthmothers that have had the prospective adoptive parents in the delivery room and all went well and I know others who later regretted having them in the room because it made it more emotional and less private. I'd love to hear the thoughts and experiences of other birthmothers on this issue.

This choice is totally up to you. It is your labor and delivery experience so think about which scenario makes you feel the most comfortable and go with that one.





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Other Posts in this Series:
Hospital Series Introduction
Labor Support Person
Creating a Birth Plan