Grieving and mourning are a natural and normal process that we all go through when a loss occurs in our lives. I think in the general society grief is associated with death, but it doesn’t necessarily always coincide with death. It can coincide with any major loss or change in our lives.

Placing a child for adoption is one of those life altering events that people grieve over. Birthmoms face grieving and mourning head on and personally speaking, a little of that occurred (at least for me) during my pregnancy and not just after my child was born, like I thought. The early grief in my pregnancy hit me by surprise and I wasn’t sure to handle it. I kept trying to not be attached – but how can one not attach to the moving little one they see on a screen? The grief that surrounded me after relinquishment was very hard but talking with a friend and learning about the stages of grieving (later on in my grieving process) really helped to know where I had come from and where I was going.

I know that all of you readers who are in unplanned pregnancies, may not have made a decision yet of whether you will be parenting or placing your child, but I feel it’s best to face what you will deal with head on and learn about it now and if you do place your child for adoption, you’ll know what you are feeling is “normal.” Besides, regardless of whether you do or do not follow through with your adoption plan, you could benefit from grief education as well because chances are you are going to loose a loved one in some point of your life. Knowledge helps us to advoid the major pitfalls of grief.

When a birthmom looses her child it is very much like a death. Grief is defined as the internal expression of loss, the thoughts and feelings of the loss that you are experiencing inside yourself. Mourning is defined as the outward expression of grief. Birthmothers both mourn and grieve over the “loss” of their child, the loss of their parenting the child, etc..

Over the next few days, I will talk about the stages of grief and how to deal with them.