Unplanned Pregnancy, Expectant Parent Blog

05/17/07

Giant red flags

Posted by : Heather Lowe in Crisis Pregnancy Blog at 07:43 pm , 393 words, 124 views
Categories: Red Flags

I decided to compile a list of big red flags – things that ought to make you run screaming for the hills if your adoption worker suggests them.

They want to isolate you from friends or family

They encourage you to lie to loved ones or conceal your pregnancy

They offer to move you to another state to have your baby

They pay your expenses while pregnant but you have to pay them back if you choose to parent

They encourage you to sign the papers in the hospital

They call you a birthmother the minute you walk in their door

They encourage you not to name your baby, hear its heartbeat or look at an ultrasound

They encourage you not to tell the father about your baby

They don’t consult the father at all

They advocate closed adoption as the best option

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They perform “semi-open” adoption, where contact is not ongoing and reciprocal

They don’t give you the last names or addresses of the hopeful adopting parents

They want to choose the family for you, or present you with only a handful of choices from which to pick

They want all contact between you and the potential adoptive family to be mediated through their office

They never mention the possibility of parenting

They tell you that you are not good enough for your baby

They put you in contact with women who have placed, but not women who have parented

They inflate the costs of raising a baby

They don’t tell you that you can take your baby home while making your final decision

They don’t encourage you to read, study, and talk to others as you face the biggest choice of your life

They don’t help you look into your options for assistance in keeping your baby

They don’t tell you that you can and should have your own legal representation during the adoption process

They express judgment about the fact of your pregnancy

They ask you to sign waivers, foster care agreements, temporary guardianship, and even relinquishment papers before your baby is born

They ask you to sign consents or relinquishment papers when you are exhausted from labor or in pain

They don’t offer ongoing support, counseling and mediation in the wake of the adoption

Current birthmothers tell of bad experiences with this organization

5 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Jan Baker [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

Too funny - today at work, I just worked on a red flag list of things to watch for in agency websites for a CUB project.

I may nab a few of yours. Great idea for a post!

Permalink 05/17/07 @ 19:49

Comment from: Coley S. [Member]

· http://unplanned-pregnancy.adoptionblogs.com/

Too funny on my part too, because I wrote something very similar last night except it was geared towards adoptive parents, not an agency worker.

Good post!

Permalink 05/17/07 @ 20:37

Comment from: Theresa [Member]

· http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/

I'm a "birthparent" - only I've chosen to actively parent my 3 birthed children. But, I've also adopted many children.

I learned a lot from this list about how things might be for a pregnant mom seeking out help! Thanks!

Theresa

Permalink 05/17/07 @ 20:55

Comment from: happygmom [Member]

May I add? ...

They tell you that your child deserves a mature, "mom and dad" family.

They tell you that you that you will be able to move on with life and pursue your dreams after relinquishing.

They tell you that adoption is the "loving choice" for your child.

Janet

Permalink 05/19/07 @ 06:25

Comment from: JR [Member]

This list makes me sad... it feels like it should be from 1967, not 2007. I just finished reading "The Girls Who Went Away" and so many of these things applied to so many of them.

June

Permalink 05/28/07 @ 20:26

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