If you are in an unplanned pregnancy and are still involved with your baby’s father, you may be considering marriage. Marrying for the right reasons is beautiful, but marrying for the wrong reasons is not.
Marriage may seem like a perfect answer. You’d have someone there to assist you in parenting responsibilities, both financial as well as emotional. You’d have help with daily parenting duties. You may feel more accepted by friends, family, and society if you get married. Your family may even be pushing you towards marriage or pushing your baby’s father to marry you because it’s the “proper” thing to do.
But getting married just because you are pregnant is not a good idea and not a good reason for two people to get married. Trust me, I got married in my first unplanned pregnancy because I felt it was the best thing to do. I felt that by getting married I could acceptably parent Noah. I wouldn’t be shunned because I was a single mother and it would be easier to parent him because I had the support from his dad. I learned that getting married just because you are pregnant, doesn’t work. Four years later, I was divorced.
An unplanned pregnancy can sometimes put stress on an existing marriage. Marrying because of an unplanned pregnancy will undeniably add stress from the get go. The strain and stress of disagreements in a marriage can be hard on the baby as well. You also may feel that marriage may guarantee that your child would have an involved father, but it doesn’t necessarily guarantee that.
If you were already considering marriage or had marriage to your child’s father planned in your future then it may work, but don’t let sharing a child be your sole reason for getting married.
As I re-read this post, I sound very anti-marriage. I’m not. I think marriage is wonderful and I’m happy that I got it right the second time around. I just don’t want to see anyone make the same mistakes I did the first time. If you really want to parent, don’t think marriage is the only way to successfully do that.