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Chances are that as you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and some life-altering decisions, you may also be facing a little bit of loneliness. Quite possibly you may be facing a lot of loneliness. Add in the constant flux of hormones and you may find yourself feeling as though you’re the only person in the world going through any of this craziness.
If you are a teenager or a woman in your early twenties, you may have found that your pregnancy announcement was not met with balloons, flowers or cards by your closest of friends. Some of them may have told you congratulations (though none of mine did) and been excited at the prospect of a baby. However, as your belly begins to grow and you deal with things like morning sickness, doctor’s visits and swollen ankles, your friends may slowly begin to disappear. While your worries are a long list of difficult decisions like who will parent this baby, how you will find a job and whether or not you want a natural birth, your friends may be busy still discussing things like the latest party, newest trend or who-likes-who. Even the best of friendships take a hit when you have nothing to relate to, feeling that the other person simply can’t understand what you’re dealing with at any given time.
The truth is that your friends, unless they’ve been through this as well, don’t understand. They can’t relate to breast engorgement, peeing when you sneeze or stretchmarks. They don’t understand anything about the legalities surrounding relinquishment. They’ve never talked with an adoption counselor. If you’re a younger teen, most of your friends don’t even know what a pap-smear feels like, let alone sex. They can’t even begin to imagine actually birthing a baby!
I promise I’m not all gloom and doom here. Read on.
The good news can be broken into two parts.
1. The Internet is amazing. You can connect with people who are experiencing what you are going through at this time. Their specifics may differ a little but talking with other young mothers experiencing unplanned pregnancies via online means can be a great support. You can lament together about how much weight you’ve gained, who is and is not supporting your decision making process and which stores are having sales on maternity clothes. More over, you can connect with other mothers who are choosing whatever path you are: adoption or parenting. Having someone who understands the fears of either choice can be vital!
2. Real friends will be there in the end. Yes, you may be freaking your real life friends out right now. They may not know what to say. They may occasionally say really silly things, hurt your feelings or annoy you. In the end, however, those who truly care about you will come back around.
Remembering that you’re really not alone and that real friends can be forever is hard when you feel lonely. Try reaching out and explaining your feelings to your friends. If that fails, there’s always someone online who has been through it. Reach out that way as well.
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