We often hear about failed matches. Before we go much further, let me define what I mean by the term “match.” In this context, I am referring to the prospective adoptive parents and expectant mother who have been paired up together and are planning to work together in an adoption plan.


Most of the time, failed matches are mentioned in regards to adoptive parents who were matched with a birthmother who changed her mind about placing her baby with them, whether it is to parent or place her child with another family. But failed matches can occur on the expectant mother end as well. A family that an expectant mom is planning to place her child with could back out for whatever reason.

It was surprising to me that this happens, but just as expectant mothers have the right to refuse to place their child with a prospective adoptive family, prospective adoptive families have the right to turn down a situation that they don’t think will work for their family.

Failed matches can also occur once the child is born. Sometimes when a child is born with special needs that were unknown during pregnancy, the adoptive parents may feel it is too much for them to handle and decide that it would be best for them to back out. This happened to a friend of mine, whose child was born with Down Syndrome. The original family she had chosen decided that they didn’t think they could handle a child with special needs and J had to choose another family at the last minute.

When a failed match occurs it can be upsetting for an expectant mother. She may see it as a sign that she should parent or she may see it as a sign that she hasn’t found the right family for her baby yet.