In one of her posts, my co-blogger, Heather came to the realization that not everyone thinking of an adoption plan is a first time mother. Back when I knew absolutely nothing about adoption, I would have had to agree with her. While making an adoption plan, I felt “different” because I felt like I was probably one of the few that made an adoption plan for the child she was carrying while she parented another child.

But after relinquishing Charlie and getting active in the adoption community, I learned that I was not the only one who was placing while parenting. The very first birthmother I met after Charlie’s birth was Lani, who is now best friend and the co-founder of BirthMom Buds. I was surprised to know that she had a son she was parenting too when she placed her daughter. Her son, Josh, was around the same age as Noah.

This creates another dilemma. At some point, you are going to have to explain to your child that you are making an adoption plan. You don’t want to tell them too much to scare them and with the thought always in mind that you make this decision twice, once before birth, and again after the baby is born, but you have to tell them something as you don’t want to spring this on them as a big shock after you’ve had the baby. Small children need time to absorb the information you are giving them, adapt to the changes that might occur in their lives, and reassurance that they are loved and not going anywhere.

It’s best to explain things in child like terms and age appropriately. You don’t want to begin by telling them about the birds and the bees, assuming your child is young. You don’t want to talk over their head in adoption lingo they won’t understand, so it’s best to keep it age appropriate as much as possible. You could start off a discussion on adoption by simply watching a children’s movie with an adoption theme (Elf and Snow Dogs are two that pop to mind) in it and get the ball rolling that way. Granted the adoption plan you are making will be nothing like those two movies, but it at least creates the opportunity for discussion. If you have friends or family members that are adopted, you could begin talking about how they were adopted and even having your child talk with them.

If you choose a family before birth, allow them to look at the profile book of the family and if possible, meet them in person. Talk about the family periodically. This worked well for us. My birthson has an adoptive sister who is the same age as Noah. We would get together often before Charlie was born and they would always play and have such a good time together.

Don't forget to keep in mind that this will be a loss for your child as well. They are loosing a sibling.

Angencies also sometimes have resources or ideas on how to explain this to your children, so be sure to ask if you are going through an agency. They may have something that can help you!

Lastly, I’d like to share a good resource with you. Sam’s Sister is a book written about a mother who has children she is raising and is pregnant and making an adoption plan for the unborn baby. Sam’s Sister explains adoption on a child’s level.

Sam’s Sister by Juliet Bond
“Kindergarten-Grade 2-Rosa's mother explains to her that she is pregnant with a child for whom she can't provide. Instead, she knows of a couple who will "help us take care of the baby." When the infant is born, Rosa and her mom get to pick Sam's middle name-Querido, which means "wanted" in Spanish. After the adoptive parents take the newborn home from the hospital, they stay in touch with his birth family, who eventuallyvisit the baby. Rosa misses him, but she knows that, "Sam is where he should be. And even though he doesn't live with Mommy and me, we will always be part of his family."” ~ Amazon Book Review

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